its like you keep your guard up the whole time, closing your heart and mind off from looking deeper at the situation in front of you, putting a barrier between you and all the touts, leery men, constant unwanted greetings and pestering kids.
then once in a while something causes your guard to slip - you get to know a shopkeeper or waiter a bit better, you're watching an old person hobble along the street, you look right into the eyes of a beggar pleading with you... and then an overwhelming compassion fills you and then you're stuck. whatever response you manage will never be enough to recognise the huge disparity of your experience of life compared with theirs. whatever small kindness you may then try to express, you will not have the resources the show the same compassion to the many other similarly needy people who will cross your path that same day.
its not even just a matter of limited resources, financial and emotional, its that i cannot bear to live with that weight of compassion in my heart for more than a brief moment. i cannot bear to truly open my eyes. consequently my response to poverty here has been pretty pitiful and for the first time i don't feel quite right being a tourist in a country.
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