last day

well its 12.30, as in after midnight, and we are all off to the airport at 1.30am for a stupidly early flight home.. i was meant to fit in a few hours sleep but there are too many thoughts rushing around my head of the past and future, so i've given up trying to sleep and wanted to let you know about my last indian adventures instead. sadly this means mum and dad will be getting a comatosed daughter back with them tomorrow, but hey!

the photos not one of my best but its evidence of my best market experience yet, in mysore. i wandered around getting friendly attention from various sources, got given a free bindi, persuaded into spending 5 rupees on a string of jasmine for my hair which a passing woman was then talked into tying on for me, bought some lovely wooden kitchen utensils for the usual rockbottom price, got flowers painted on my hands with some of the amazing colours you can see in the blog before... it was a lovely wander.

sadly the following day was one of my worst on this journey. although even then nothing is ever that bad and there are still always joys hidden in there somewhere, so don't worry.. but lack of sleep thanks to early wake-up call from nextdoor room and lack of food thanks to restaurants in the lonely planet being full or relocated meant i was far from at my best. additional complaints would be a drunk man following me onto a bus, sitting next to me stinking and making occasional attempts to touch my thigh for the next hour and a half; expensive rickshaws refusing to take me on the meter and quoting stupid prices instead, then when i finally persuade someone into taking me on the meter they just got lost and end up costing me as much anyway; wandering around with all my gear in the heat feeling a bit faint from lack of food.

but this was earlier in the day, the real problems started at the station in the evening waiting to start my 38 hour journey back to calcutta. i had never seen so many people before, the platform was packed, only one white face in the crowd who was a lovely guy from slovenia who was kind enough to share his edible treats of banana and peanut bar with me. then the train arrived on time but my carriage was locked so i waited for a few minutes with some others, then the train slowly started moving, i assumed just to reposition on the platform, so walked with it for a while. but it kept picking up speed and people were starting to surge forwards getting a bit panicked, people were jumping on and off carriages.. i had split seconds to decide whether to jump into the wrong carriage or wait for the train to return. despite regular announcements every 5 minutes before the train arrived, from when the train arrived onwards there was not a single word from the announcer so we were all pretty clueless. amongst all this confusion various guys were using the cover of a crowd to grope me whenever possible which was not helping me remain calm. so i am sorry to say once the train had gone i did start to lose it a bit and the resulting scene was me sobbing in a corner surrounded by a semicircle of bewildered/concerned gentlemen trying to chat about what to do next.

i feel very blessed as one man in particular took me on as his own mission and led me back to find his wife and son who had also been sobbing as they had lost him and had jumped from the moving train and were generally as confused as the rest of us. the man's brother had jumped on the train just in time to be reunited with his 15 year-old daughter who would otherwise have been left alone on the train.. anyway, all this chaos, lots of mobile calls later and the friendly man reunited another passenger with her bag that was on the train where his brother found it for her, he calmed me down and kept relaying whatever information he had.. and 4 1/2 hours later the train pulled back in after rumours of an assualt to the driver and a derailment. i am none the wiser as to what really went on, i was just glad to finally get some sleep just gone midnight.

it really was an unusual experience for me in india, i rarely felt my vulnerability as a white woman and i rarely saw such organisational chaos. but it was a timely experience to make me very ready to come home. and it was an eye opener to see the crowds waiting for general compartment space on a train, i had never realised the system before, that hundreds of people who cannot afford a reserved space just have to surge at the first opportunity for room that must only fit a fraction of the waiting crowd.

i would still definitely love to come back here some day, to enjoy the beauty of draping saris, the delicious food, and amazingly friendly people. india has been a perfect last treat for me giving me many last treasured memories. but i am now ready and happy to be coming home.

and the winner is...

best display of colour - india

best scenery - new zealand

best beach - costa malabari, kerala, india

best town - joint winners luang prabang, laos and hoi-an, vietnam

best food - india, with special mention to savage garden restaurant in udaipur and costa malabari in kerala

best song lyric to fit my year - 'fantastic expectations, amazing revelations' from Ian Brown F.E.A.R.

best travelling from A to B - slowboat in laos

best adventure - desert in namibia

best swimming pool - at jim's flat, bangkok

best shopping - india

best day - stand out memory is City2Surf day in sydney. i couldn't say why it wins - maybe the quality time with my brother, the delicious and long-awaited lunch, the sense of achievement, the endomorphines running around my system, the well-deserved swim in the sea, the feeling of being part of a 63,000 strong crowd, coming home to my parents...

best email received - from helen on the morning of her wedding

best letter received - mr andy mason wins every time

best present received - caramelised peanuts made by innocence

best comedy moment - falling into pit dug for toilet at innocence's house on morning of day 2

best miracle - meeting a friend who could show me the way, filippe, in the dark on my first eve in mozambique

best book read - gilead

best tv programme seen - grey's anatomy

best church meeting attended - gospel choir competition in blantyre, malawi

best wildlife spotting - amazing coloured fish whilst snorkelling on great barrier reef

i could go on, there have been so many joys. of course there were also not so great moments..

scariest day - in desert in namibia

worst sunburn - snorkelling on great barrier reef

loneliest times - getting around sydney suburbs alone

saddest day - last day in mozambique attending a funeral and saying goodbye

most wanting to come home day - christmas day missing my mum!

but overall i cannot believe how good this year has been, and i'm not even quite finished with it yet! it has been a year of blessing - that is the best word i could use to sum up my time. it has been a year full of fantastic hospitality shown me by others, good health, amazing scenery, eye-opening experiences, freely given friendship, care and kindness shown to me, the unexpected joys of my own company and awe and wonder at life in this beautiful world.

i wouldn't say this is chance, good luck or a result of my excellent common sense! i definitely credit this year to my lord who led me on my journey and created the beauty i saw and who never left my side. i think this may be a first on this blog, but a little bible quote for you (slightly edited by me!) from psalm 4

let the light of your face shine upon me, o lord

you have filled my heart with great joy

i will lie down and sleep in peace

for you alone o lord make me dwell in safety

beach treat success

no pictures of the beach, sorry, but it was amazing. mostly because it was normally deserted, the way a beach should be in my opinion. it wasn't photo worthy enough to warrant the risk of leaving my camera whilst i went running though, hence lack of evidence. it was the perfect beach for running on - nice flat sand hardened by the tide. so i managed to get a bit of exercise in which was great. it just seems too good to be true to spend a few days at an amazing coast like that where there just aren't more than a handful of tourists staying and hardly and locals for that matter. beautiful.

the real highlight of this treat was the food though, served on a banana leaf every evening, and always so delicious. everyone staying there ate together for lunch and dinner which meant lots of lovely chats with people, and lots of opportunity to get some last minute insights into job possibilities.

other treat was a trip to a handloom co-operative which i found fascinating. such lovely colours of cotton and such a lot of manpower to produce what are essentially simple everyday textiles.

all in all definitely glad i splashed out for a last treat, it really was that, a special time with all the space i could ask for to get excited about the future homecoming and reflect on my last amazing year. i'm busy compiling my nominations and winners for this last year to sum up the highlights, so i will reveal shortly my very own oscars, seeing as i miss the real thing being stuck on a train for 36 hours. will be back with that soon.

luscious green

i cooled down, i walked in amazing peaceful tea plantations, i started to read 'a suitable boy' and am still only a third of the way through it, i watched too many movies on a tv in my room, i found stupidly cheap places to eat and i started to think more and more about coming home. it was a good trip to the hills. definite highlight was being blessed by the small miracle of seeing flowering coral trees once more (my favourite tree in sydney). my lovely colleague in sydney, glenda, showed me the coral tree in some botanical book and i noted that it is a native plant of india, but up till now had never seen them here. and then suddenly, i find myself back in coral tree land and at a time when they are flowering! well that made my day.

it is funny to continue holding so much in my mind - memories from this journey, thoughts of home, plans for the future, thoughts on india, reflections on life... luckily i have the time to mull it over, i'm not sure how i will manage when daily life once again starts to take up the majority of my brain space. i would hate to miss out on the remembering especially, although the joy of looking back over such good times is always tinged with the sorrow of being apart from those i grew to love so much and at the lack of plans to return anytime very soon.

my major concern from some of my mulling is how much i love being alone. it doesn't seem quite right when i always thought one of my main desires in life is to love others. but the reality is i really enjoy making decisions that are so spontaneous i almost manage to surprise myself. i think its to do with not having to communicate a plan, just getting on and doing it. i love the freedom of setting off on a whim, not having to be patient with anyone, not having to explain myself. before the joys of solitude were balanced by a strong sense of missing people so much, but now i am so close to home, i don't seem to miss people in the uk, only those in other countries that i won't be seeing in a couple of weeks.

anyway tomorrow i'm off to my extravagant last splurge, a place on the beach (a splurge at 12 pounds a night including all food!) where i hope to continue enjoying a life of luxury and beauty and reflection.

warming up

well i have warmed to this place, at first i was worried the food wasn't up to earlier indian standards, and i hadn't experienced quite the same delights as up north. but now, i'm loving it. i've warmed up to being back on my own again as well, just love exploring by myself, hired a bike a couple of times and got about a bit. very proud of my sunset photos - see a couple more on flickr.. as i wasn't brave enough the first night to go out along one of the fishing net structures to get the best view, but second night i went for it and didn't fall in the sea, and you can see what a beautiful result i got. best sunset of the year for me photo wise i think. so enjoying the odd bit of minor risk taking and general adventure.

only downside is its also warming up literally. thinking about it i'm not sure i've lived in this level of heat before. i have no idea what actual temperature we're talking about, i'm just working on the basis that i've never had to sleep naked with absolutely no cover under a fan on all night before, feeling sweaty as i try to get to sleep and the same when i wake up. not great. also had more than a couple of times of feeling very close to fainting, that i naturally put down to lack of food, but beginning to think i may have underestimated the effects of heat.

anyway result is tomorrow i head to the hills, off to some tea plantations at 1500m altitude to cool down. should be lovely, will show you the photos soon!

open homes

just giving an advance invitation to pop by and say hello once i'm back if you fancy it. i realise i will be pretty tied up myself with various birthday celebrations for friends and matt and family visiting from sydney. so rather than rush about trying to fit in a visit to you all in the middle of all that, for the sake of my sanity i am putting the responsibility on you!
you are more than welcome to any of the following:

sunday march 4th at my parents place in st albans for 'afternoon tea!' anytime between 4-6pm
saturday march 10th at my place in brighton anytime from 6pm - i'll only have got back a day or two before so not planning to put on a spread, sorry, will just be a cup of tea on offer! but i'll be there which is the main thing right?
may at my place in brighton - i am promising myself a month at home which coincides with the excellent brighton festival which happens ever year throughout may. so if you fancy a visit or want to book up a meal or go to an event in the festival with me... this is your chance! anything from popping in for breakfast to coming for the weekend.. i am willing to be booked up for whatever! i hope this will be a month for catching up with you lovely people properly. for more info on events in the festival see http://www.brightonfestival.org/ and its not just me opening their home for the month - for festival open homes info see http://www.aoh.org.uk/

of course i hope to see some of you at other times too, but figure everyone's busy lives mean a bit of planning is sometimes good. anyway i need something to look forward to! so feel free to let me know by email of any plans. keep forgetting to say my mobile no isn't working in india, so its email or a welcome home card posted to brighton for now really!

lots of water

just uploaded some more photos for you onto flickr and noticed a water theme.. being by the sea and spending a night on a boat is whats done that. not a bad thing though - being by water seems to equal relaxation. above pictures pretty much sum up my life of late - reading, napping, watching the world go by, resting, bit of chatting...

i spent a few days with the gang - andy, kirsty and diana, which was a pretty chilled out affair. although for some reason i struggled a bit, thanks to the usual lack of sleep problem and i think just the logistics of group travel. its definitely a lot easier to get about alone in some ways - you and all your luggage fit into one rickshaw and you can make a quick decision, whereas the four of us did need some time to sort ourselves out occasionally. but i couldn't have experienced life on a houseboat without them, so i am very grateful. we lazed about for a day and a night enjoying a very slow world pass by. highly recommend it.

it was a bit of a wake up call to living and relating to more than one person at a time, and a reminder of much more of brighton life. i guess i'm not sure i was entirely ready for either, and looking back i'm hoping i have learnt something of how to relate to others and how to be back in 'brighton mode'. it probably sounds ridiculous, its not as though i have been a hermit all of this year living on the moon. but it has been a very different time, especially in terms of doing things my own way so freely. poor becs was the first guinea pig to test out my abilities to adapt back, and bless her, thanks to her being so constantly lovely, i think we would both call that time a huge success. but if the responsibility is on me to be lovely and accommodating and ready to adapt... well i am not sure success will come so quickly! it would be fair to say i miss becs.

but i am back on my own as of today, i've come to fort kochin a bit up the coast in kerala. so far so good, and as i start to plan the rest of my time, i realise i have plenty of time to spend in each remaining place i want to see, so i plan to take my time enjoying 'god's own country' as kerala likes to call itself. its definitely a different place down here. i know i travelled nearly the length of a subcontinent, so you might think i was expecting some differences being so far from rajasthan, but i have been surprised. there are no cows wandering around which is a bonus for ease of walking but sad loss of amusement. i've been bizarrely short on great food since arriving down south, but that may just be bad luck. the gang seem to have been on a 2 meals a day routine, thanks to possible theories of time difference and major increase in temperature reducing appetite.. but either way i was constantly feeling short of a decent meal! until we got on the boat that is, where a lovely cook sorted me out. anyway i am warming to this hot place and hoping it will be the perfect end to my year.

last little tip - if you're travelling, reading books by authors of that country is a must. i've been on an indian fiction run and am loving it. just so great to recognise details from what i've seen and to get more insights into this culture and place. some high quality authors. loving it.

responding to beauty

its been funny touring round beautiful buildings with becs as we have quite different ways of taking it all in. we chatted a bit about what the difference between us is, and becs pointed out that she is always very aware of the amazing craftmanship, which i hate to admit i'm normally pretty oblivious to. i guess i figure i am just not a buildings kind of a person and mostly get excited about the views out from a high up location, rather than the sights of the building itself. but even i would have to say the taj mahal really was beautiful. i tend to look for lovely shapes, especially lovely arches in india.. and there was plenty of that at the taj - amazing domes in particular. the experience was very different from, say our peaceful wander around bundi palace and fort, there was no chance for any peace and a lot of unwanted hassle from muppets wanting to take their photo with me - presumably to show off their western girlfriend?! but it was still a fun day, even if i did feel more like a tourist than ever before.

i sometimes feel like i am getting too full up with beauty, that my eyes are struggling to take much more in, that i can only allow myself a light scan of my surroundings these days as i am so full up with amazing sights already. of course it doesn't work like that really, i continue to be amazed by colour here and always give that a proper look.. but i do think its ridiculous for one person to have seen as much as i have in one year when so many would not see even a fraction in a lifetime. i just hope i can treasure these sights for a long time to come and continue to spot beauty wherever i am now that i have been given proof of just how much there is in this world.

responding to cows

i wish i could better capture on camera how it is to spend my days with cows everywhere. despite the novelty value wearing off, it still amuses me no end and i often have to stop and stare at a particularly good specimen of a beast. on the whole it is a pain to constantly give them a wide berth when walking in narrow streets and keep eyes on the floor to sidestep poo. sometimes it gets close to being a more literal pain - i did manage to do something wrong in pushkar and ended up with a cow trying to butt me with its horns. luckily it only had a couple of steps run-up space and i fitted between the horns pretty nicely so no harm done. and in fairness i have never seen any such agression shown to anyone else, so must just have been something personal. but it is a bit unnerving to live so close to what are often pretty hefty animals looking distinctly like bulls, even if they are sometimes female. either way, i keep my distance these days.

responding to poverty

its like you keep your guard up the whole time, closing your heart and mind off from looking deeper at the situation in front of you, putting a barrier between you and all the touts, leery men, constant unwanted greetings and pestering kids.

then once in a while something causes your guard to slip - you get to know a shopkeeper or waiter a bit better, you're watching an old person hobble along the street, you look right into the eyes of a beggar pleading with you... and then an overwhelming compassion fills you and then you're stuck. whatever response you manage will never be enough to recognise the huge disparity of your experience of life compared with theirs. whatever small kindness you may then try to express, you will not have the resources the show the same compassion to the many other similarly needy people who will cross your path that same day.

its not even just a matter of limited resources, financial and emotional, its that i cannot bear to live with that weight of compassion in my heart for more than a brief moment. i cannot bear to truly open my eyes. consequently my response to poverty here has been pretty pitiful and for the first time i don't feel quite right being a tourist in a country.