more birthday fun

well it seems i love birthdays whether they're mine or not, either way its just great to celebrate! we had a top night out for matt's birthday last sat with pre-drinks, dinner and late bar. i just loved getting out for some city nightlife. first up was minus5 - a bar made of ice who only let you stay in for half an hour and give you a coat to wear... now don't laugh, but i was that concerned about the environmental impact of running such a place that i sent a polite e-mail beforehand asking them about their energy consumption and whether or not they had any good environmental policies to try and counteract the negative effects... well, i heard absolutely nothing so went along anyway, realising that it may not have been the time for principles. then it was pizza and beer galore, although when i say pizza, take that with a pinch of salt as they were mostly covered in kangaroo, emu or crocodile meat which is not my idea of pizza. but my lovely brother let me order rocket and prosciutto pizza which sorted me out. then the bar was good too.. i even sacrificed my principles for the sake of birthday fun to the extent of going to McDonalds for the first time in years. in all fairness McFlurrys are pretty good, and when you're celebrating your brother's birthday for probably the only time in at least 10 years, you have to make the most of it.
this morning was also a right laugh with girls helping, or not helping as the case may be, with present opening. top quote from abigail "why does he need another one?" when matt opened a leather purse from me. nothing like a girl who speaks her mind.
other than all this excitement we've got a 3 day weekend coming up which should give me a chance to see lots of movies, read some books, get some exercise and generally chill. i don't reckon i've been my normal happy self since moving to st ives, which i put down to the long days and lack of exercise. matt + i generally set off at 7.30am and don't get back till 7 pretty often in the eve, which to a girl who has always been a part-timer, is a shock to the system. and gone are all those walks and runs, its a circuit class once a week in the park if i'm lucky and maybe a sat morning run/swim at the beach. i am definitely ready to quit the working life, just a shame that i have such small funds to show for all my efforts - financial panic is beginning to set in.
trying to pack in all my last plans for getting the most out of this beautiful city. will report back on my success over the next few weeks before i head to new zealand on the 23rd october. any last tips for that beautiful country very welcome.

sunday mornings

thought i would tell you about my sunday morning routine as a few of you have been asking about what i'm doing church wise. i am going along to a church some sunday evenings, the place where matt + fi got married but they no longer got to church there. its ok, just nice to get out and see some faces and i do like to get in a bit of singing. but considering that until a year or so ago i had been at church most sunday mornings for my whole life, it surprisingly doesn't seem so strange to be doing something different.
so what i am now up to on sunday mornings is i drive with matt + fi to where their church is and walk 10 minutes around the corner to sit on the beach. i can't today becuase its raining but when the sun is shining i take a book, my journal, my sunglasses and sit. with each week its getting busier as we're moving out of winter here, but its still easy to get a space on my own looking out onto beauty, hearing the soothing sound of waves and feeling soft sand between by toes. i do a bit of people-watching - surfers and other keen sporty types running and swimming.. but otherwise i take the time to rest, to pray, to scribble in my journal and to read whatever inspirational book i'm currently into. this spot in my week always proves to be a time of such refreshing, a chance to make space in my thoughts, to renew a sense of peace within me, to sit back and get some perspective.
i've been taking time to write a prayer that i am now trying to memorise that will be my daily prayer. it was a suggestion from the 'eternal echoes' book i have mentionned before. it won't interest all of you but i wanted to share it anyway because this is why i enjoy being on a beach praying alone:

Lord of my heart
my shelter, my refreshing, my hope
Come, shine your light and show your tender mercy
Open my eyes to newness and joy
Fill my gaze with the unseen
Be in my quiet centre.
Help me in my anxiety, impatience and citicisms.
Lead me in generosity, understanding and gentleness.
Reveal the secrets of my heart and my most precious gifts.
Take me beyond my imagination.
Awaken my beauty and my courage as i choose to trust and journey with you, excited by the unknown and the mystery, always sure of your goodness.
You are the way to freedom and you beckon me forward on it, calling me by name, holding me fast on it, watching over me.
You are my constant companion.
May i know your healing balm for my hurts, your warm comfort in my sorrow.
May i know the eternal embrace of your loving circle.
You are the truth i partly see
You bring the unexpected to my future
You are where i belong.
I wait for you, in you, with you.
True Giver of Life
I celebrate the wonders of being a pilgrim with you.

halfway point

so yesterday was my halfway mark. 6 months in and 6 months to go. so for all of you who are asking me when i'll be back, its not for a while yet even though it does feel like i have been away ages.
thought i was due for a little review, and a look back over the blog so far to remind me:
i have lacked a bit of common sense from time to time (desert in namibia being a key example!)
i haven't missed brighton as a place but i do miss cycling everywhere, i do miss trapeze with mandi and i have noticed that its been far too long since i was last on a dancefloor. but the food in sydney pretty much beats brighton everytime so thats a result
i do miss my granny (she doesn't answer her phone and only gets mail that is read to her) but other worries about lack of home comforts, lack of money, getting ill.. just haven't been a worry really.
i couldn't say i have learnt a lot about forgiveness yet, but i think i have learnt about generosity - sadly more by example than practice. i like to think i have been a blessing to those i've visited but i guess thats not always been the case, and i have certainly received far more blessing than i have given. i definitely couldn't say i have got any clarity about my future but i do have moments where my thoughts open up to new possibilities quite gently. its not clarity really, more a letting in of light through new doors in my mind.
the journey of my faith so far has been the most exciting part. i have felt led along my way and i am discovering a lot about trust, simplicity and love. i really enjoy being a pilgrim for all its joys and sorrows. the greatest sorrow for me has been in the loneliness, so i am still trying to learn that i am not alone really - thanks to the one who journeys with me and thanks to the continued love and support from loads of you across a distance.
top highlight so far is definitely the nieces, closely followed by Hannah in Moz. Dunes are a close third place.. so predictions for those were pretty spot on. Isabella had just joined me at the computer playing around with whatever was to hand and then every 30 seconds or so leaning over to me for a kiss! we are definitely good friends these days and it is such a delight.
i guess the big surprise for me has been how much my parents mean to me. its been really hard saying goodbye this week and being around the same places without them here anymore. over the last few years i have often thought maybe its not quite right to still rely on my parents so much when i'm nearing 30. they are still my main support in life, my greatest source of love and encouragement, my backing in whatever way i need, and probably the people that understand me best. i hope they will always be a huge part of my life, but i can't help noting that it would probably be different if i wasn't single. still, as i am, i am so grateful to have their love and to have someone who knows how i am really doing throughout this year. but it is a shock to see how difficult it is being so far from them.
i always knew missing people would be the worst part but i didn't realise what a huge difference it makes being away from everyone. this year is certainly turning out to be like no other year of my life. at times it has been the best ever and at times one of the more difficult. but i have absolutely no regrets, i am so glad to have this time and am so excited to see whats next.