still loving india - only exception being the constant attempts to avoid cows, people, poo, motorbikes, rickshaws and anything else on the narrow streets. aside from that india continues to show me more and more beauty and colour - this is definitely the most colourful country i have ever been to. other delights have been horseriding in the countryside seeing a quieter life than normal (see view of women above); watching numerous sunsets; lots of lounging which suits me fine (see happy face above!); more and more shopping temptations; and occasional unbelievable moments like seeing a cow lining up as if it was just another customer in a little shop doorway and watching monkeys jump across roofs over an alleyway eyeing up the food below.
i feel like becs is putting up with a lot as i am often a lot lazier than her and in need of more sleep. without it i can be a bit of a nightmare, as many of you have sadly experienced.. a bit irritable and generally a bit more useless! i think i am starting to notice the big differences in travelling with someone else and am maybe not adapting as well as i would like, not adjusting to a different routine.
i started reading another book by henri nouwen in india that becs kindly brought out for me. those of you who have been following from the start may remember that my main inspiration last year was another book by him full of lent readings... well this book is called 'reaching out' and is another treasure trove of wisdom. anyway, it has said a lot about solitude so far and i am realising that this is one of the main treasures i will take away from this journey, the chance to enjoy solitude as well as learn to live with loneliness. i think now i need to learn that this is not about being on my own physically but about a 'solitude of the heart' as henri puts it. and i am starting to think about how that could work back in the uk as well, where i am used to having a packed diary.
the other gem from the book so far is a quote by kahlil gibran from 'the prophet' - "when you part from your friend, you grieve not; for that which you love most in him may be dearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain." that is definitely my experience this year, that absence has made the heart grow fonder and has given me greater clarity as to the 'greatness and beauty' of those i am remembering. but henri also talks about how when the absence ends and friends are physically united once more, we can struggle to live up to this new perspective.
i know for me i have spent my whole journey looking forward so much to this time with becs and realising anew how precious our friendship is, but it is easy to lose sight of that now we are together.. i don't have the quote with me, but something about our physical selves being a barrier.. i guess exampled by me not being able to look beyond how i'm going to get some good food and a decent nap into my day! so i plan to sort that out from now on and learn pretty quickly how to be an ideal companion on this new stage of my journey.
i know this is getting a bit long but i've been thinking lots and always like to share my thoughts! i've been continuing to look at the possibilities for life back in the uk. i have always felt like a jack of all trades, capable of doing pretty much whatever i fancy. the 'i can do it attitude' only increases on this journey and the possibilities open to me just seem to keep broadening. i have no idea how i am going to restrict myself to one or two choices but if i don't restrict myself i cannot see how i will ever do anything really well.. as always henri provides some more wisdom - something about not listening to the counsel of others when making decisions but delving deep into yourself, to the deepest places of your heart, to ask questions about what i must do and what is necessary to my life. so i won't ask for your advice, i will just continue to ask myself.
last point.. i realise i have spent a lot of this journey longing for a future partner and for greater intimacy in relationships, and yet i have probably got even more used to living quite selfishly, doing things my own way. i cannot see the single life ever being any better than this but i want to be content with it in less glamourous circumstances. for all my hopes, the reality is that i struggle to put the needs of others before my own, or to express my love for others in my words and actions. becs and i had a funny chat one night about me moving back into the house in brighton and becs was brave enough to explain how i have been guilty of a bit of 'princess complex' in the past! i would love to return with less of that and more demonstration of my compassion for others.
i doubt i will achieve even part of all my hopes in just the few weeks i have left on this journey, but its good to know which direction i want to head in. as i have always known, this journey was only ever a small part of the bigger journey of my life, i just hope it remains a very significant part for all the best reasons.
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