i'm back!!

a good welcome home from rae, mum, dad and luke has been a great start. it is great to be back, eating mum's lasagne and crumble, soaking in a hot bubble bath, looking at the embarrassingly large number of clothes i've accumulated this year, seeing all the changes in the home i have known all my life, just the luxury of chatting away with people who know me better than anyone.

no post holiday blues yet, just tired so taking it easy today, hoping to keep a looming cold at bay which i seem to be getting already. it really is pretty cold here eh?!

thank you so much for remembering me, for your thoughts and prayers, for taking time to see whats been happening for me on my journey. i reckon you will hear more about it whenever you hear from me as i'm sure this year has made a deep and lasting impact on me that i hope will have far reaching consequences from here on.

i don't know how much more i will say here as this form of communication is only necessary when distance prevents face to face or at least phone conversation. so this may be the last from me for a while, but who knows the desire to tell the world about my life may hit me sooner than i think.

last day

well its 12.30, as in after midnight, and we are all off to the airport at 1.30am for a stupidly early flight home.. i was meant to fit in a few hours sleep but there are too many thoughts rushing around my head of the past and future, so i've given up trying to sleep and wanted to let you know about my last indian adventures instead. sadly this means mum and dad will be getting a comatosed daughter back with them tomorrow, but hey!

the photos not one of my best but its evidence of my best market experience yet, in mysore. i wandered around getting friendly attention from various sources, got given a free bindi, persuaded into spending 5 rupees on a string of jasmine for my hair which a passing woman was then talked into tying on for me, bought some lovely wooden kitchen utensils for the usual rockbottom price, got flowers painted on my hands with some of the amazing colours you can see in the blog before... it was a lovely wander.

sadly the following day was one of my worst on this journey. although even then nothing is ever that bad and there are still always joys hidden in there somewhere, so don't worry.. but lack of sleep thanks to early wake-up call from nextdoor room and lack of food thanks to restaurants in the lonely planet being full or relocated meant i was far from at my best. additional complaints would be a drunk man following me onto a bus, sitting next to me stinking and making occasional attempts to touch my thigh for the next hour and a half; expensive rickshaws refusing to take me on the meter and quoting stupid prices instead, then when i finally persuade someone into taking me on the meter they just got lost and end up costing me as much anyway; wandering around with all my gear in the heat feeling a bit faint from lack of food.

but this was earlier in the day, the real problems started at the station in the evening waiting to start my 38 hour journey back to calcutta. i had never seen so many people before, the platform was packed, only one white face in the crowd who was a lovely guy from slovenia who was kind enough to share his edible treats of banana and peanut bar with me. then the train arrived on time but my carriage was locked so i waited for a few minutes with some others, then the train slowly started moving, i assumed just to reposition on the platform, so walked with it for a while. but it kept picking up speed and people were starting to surge forwards getting a bit panicked, people were jumping on and off carriages.. i had split seconds to decide whether to jump into the wrong carriage or wait for the train to return. despite regular announcements every 5 minutes before the train arrived, from when the train arrived onwards there was not a single word from the announcer so we were all pretty clueless. amongst all this confusion various guys were using the cover of a crowd to grope me whenever possible which was not helping me remain calm. so i am sorry to say once the train had gone i did start to lose it a bit and the resulting scene was me sobbing in a corner surrounded by a semicircle of bewildered/concerned gentlemen trying to chat about what to do next.

i feel very blessed as one man in particular took me on as his own mission and led me back to find his wife and son who had also been sobbing as they had lost him and had jumped from the moving train and were generally as confused as the rest of us. the man's brother had jumped on the train just in time to be reunited with his 15 year-old daughter who would otherwise have been left alone on the train.. anyway, all this chaos, lots of mobile calls later and the friendly man reunited another passenger with her bag that was on the train where his brother found it for her, he calmed me down and kept relaying whatever information he had.. and 4 1/2 hours later the train pulled back in after rumours of an assualt to the driver and a derailment. i am none the wiser as to what really went on, i was just glad to finally get some sleep just gone midnight.

it really was an unusual experience for me in india, i rarely felt my vulnerability as a white woman and i rarely saw such organisational chaos. but it was a timely experience to make me very ready to come home. and it was an eye opener to see the crowds waiting for general compartment space on a train, i had never realised the system before, that hundreds of people who cannot afford a reserved space just have to surge at the first opportunity for room that must only fit a fraction of the waiting crowd.

i would still definitely love to come back here some day, to enjoy the beauty of draping saris, the delicious food, and amazingly friendly people. india has been a perfect last treat for me giving me many last treasured memories. but i am now ready and happy to be coming home.

and the winner is...

best display of colour - india

best scenery - new zealand

best beach - costa malabari, kerala, india

best town - joint winners luang prabang, laos and hoi-an, vietnam

best food - india, with special mention to savage garden restaurant in udaipur and costa malabari in kerala

best song lyric to fit my year - 'fantastic expectations, amazing revelations' from Ian Brown F.E.A.R.

best travelling from A to B - slowboat in laos

best adventure - desert in namibia

best swimming pool - at jim's flat, bangkok

best shopping - india

best day - stand out memory is City2Surf day in sydney. i couldn't say why it wins - maybe the quality time with my brother, the delicious and long-awaited lunch, the sense of achievement, the endomorphines running around my system, the well-deserved swim in the sea, the feeling of being part of a 63,000 strong crowd, coming home to my parents...

best email received - from helen on the morning of her wedding

best letter received - mr andy mason wins every time

best present received - caramelised peanuts made by innocence

best comedy moment - falling into pit dug for toilet at innocence's house on morning of day 2

best miracle - meeting a friend who could show me the way, filippe, in the dark on my first eve in mozambique

best book read - gilead

best tv programme seen - grey's anatomy

best church meeting attended - gospel choir competition in blantyre, malawi

best wildlife spotting - amazing coloured fish whilst snorkelling on great barrier reef

i could go on, there have been so many joys. of course there were also not so great moments..

scariest day - in desert in namibia

worst sunburn - snorkelling on great barrier reef

loneliest times - getting around sydney suburbs alone

saddest day - last day in mozambique attending a funeral and saying goodbye

most wanting to come home day - christmas day missing my mum!

but overall i cannot believe how good this year has been, and i'm not even quite finished with it yet! it has been a year of blessing - that is the best word i could use to sum up my time. it has been a year full of fantastic hospitality shown me by others, good health, amazing scenery, eye-opening experiences, freely given friendship, care and kindness shown to me, the unexpected joys of my own company and awe and wonder at life in this beautiful world.

i wouldn't say this is chance, good luck or a result of my excellent common sense! i definitely credit this year to my lord who led me on my journey and created the beauty i saw and who never left my side. i think this may be a first on this blog, but a little bible quote for you (slightly edited by me!) from psalm 4

let the light of your face shine upon me, o lord

you have filled my heart with great joy

i will lie down and sleep in peace

for you alone o lord make me dwell in safety

beach treat success

no pictures of the beach, sorry, but it was amazing. mostly because it was normally deserted, the way a beach should be in my opinion. it wasn't photo worthy enough to warrant the risk of leaving my camera whilst i went running though, hence lack of evidence. it was the perfect beach for running on - nice flat sand hardened by the tide. so i managed to get a bit of exercise in which was great. it just seems too good to be true to spend a few days at an amazing coast like that where there just aren't more than a handful of tourists staying and hardly and locals for that matter. beautiful.

the real highlight of this treat was the food though, served on a banana leaf every evening, and always so delicious. everyone staying there ate together for lunch and dinner which meant lots of lovely chats with people, and lots of opportunity to get some last minute insights into job possibilities.

other treat was a trip to a handloom co-operative which i found fascinating. such lovely colours of cotton and such a lot of manpower to produce what are essentially simple everyday textiles.

all in all definitely glad i splashed out for a last treat, it really was that, a special time with all the space i could ask for to get excited about the future homecoming and reflect on my last amazing year. i'm busy compiling my nominations and winners for this last year to sum up the highlights, so i will reveal shortly my very own oscars, seeing as i miss the real thing being stuck on a train for 36 hours. will be back with that soon.

luscious green

i cooled down, i walked in amazing peaceful tea plantations, i started to read 'a suitable boy' and am still only a third of the way through it, i watched too many movies on a tv in my room, i found stupidly cheap places to eat and i started to think more and more about coming home. it was a good trip to the hills. definite highlight was being blessed by the small miracle of seeing flowering coral trees once more (my favourite tree in sydney). my lovely colleague in sydney, glenda, showed me the coral tree in some botanical book and i noted that it is a native plant of india, but up till now had never seen them here. and then suddenly, i find myself back in coral tree land and at a time when they are flowering! well that made my day.

it is funny to continue holding so much in my mind - memories from this journey, thoughts of home, plans for the future, thoughts on india, reflections on life... luckily i have the time to mull it over, i'm not sure how i will manage when daily life once again starts to take up the majority of my brain space. i would hate to miss out on the remembering especially, although the joy of looking back over such good times is always tinged with the sorrow of being apart from those i grew to love so much and at the lack of plans to return anytime very soon.

my major concern from some of my mulling is how much i love being alone. it doesn't seem quite right when i always thought one of my main desires in life is to love others. but the reality is i really enjoy making decisions that are so spontaneous i almost manage to surprise myself. i think its to do with not having to communicate a plan, just getting on and doing it. i love the freedom of setting off on a whim, not having to be patient with anyone, not having to explain myself. before the joys of solitude were balanced by a strong sense of missing people so much, but now i am so close to home, i don't seem to miss people in the uk, only those in other countries that i won't be seeing in a couple of weeks.

anyway tomorrow i'm off to my extravagant last splurge, a place on the beach (a splurge at 12 pounds a night including all food!) where i hope to continue enjoying a life of luxury and beauty and reflection.

warming up

well i have warmed to this place, at first i was worried the food wasn't up to earlier indian standards, and i hadn't experienced quite the same delights as up north. but now, i'm loving it. i've warmed up to being back on my own again as well, just love exploring by myself, hired a bike a couple of times and got about a bit. very proud of my sunset photos - see a couple more on flickr.. as i wasn't brave enough the first night to go out along one of the fishing net structures to get the best view, but second night i went for it and didn't fall in the sea, and you can see what a beautiful result i got. best sunset of the year for me photo wise i think. so enjoying the odd bit of minor risk taking and general adventure.

only downside is its also warming up literally. thinking about it i'm not sure i've lived in this level of heat before. i have no idea what actual temperature we're talking about, i'm just working on the basis that i've never had to sleep naked with absolutely no cover under a fan on all night before, feeling sweaty as i try to get to sleep and the same when i wake up. not great. also had more than a couple of times of feeling very close to fainting, that i naturally put down to lack of food, but beginning to think i may have underestimated the effects of heat.

anyway result is tomorrow i head to the hills, off to some tea plantations at 1500m altitude to cool down. should be lovely, will show you the photos soon!

open homes

just giving an advance invitation to pop by and say hello once i'm back if you fancy it. i realise i will be pretty tied up myself with various birthday celebrations for friends and matt and family visiting from sydney. so rather than rush about trying to fit in a visit to you all in the middle of all that, for the sake of my sanity i am putting the responsibility on you!
you are more than welcome to any of the following:

sunday march 4th at my parents place in st albans for 'afternoon tea!' anytime between 4-6pm
saturday march 10th at my place in brighton anytime from 6pm - i'll only have got back a day or two before so not planning to put on a spread, sorry, will just be a cup of tea on offer! but i'll be there which is the main thing right?
may at my place in brighton - i am promising myself a month at home which coincides with the excellent brighton festival which happens ever year throughout may. so if you fancy a visit or want to book up a meal or go to an event in the festival with me... this is your chance! anything from popping in for breakfast to coming for the weekend.. i am willing to be booked up for whatever! i hope this will be a month for catching up with you lovely people properly. for more info on events in the festival see http://www.brightonfestival.org/ and its not just me opening their home for the month - for festival open homes info see http://www.aoh.org.uk/

of course i hope to see some of you at other times too, but figure everyone's busy lives mean a bit of planning is sometimes good. anyway i need something to look forward to! so feel free to let me know by email of any plans. keep forgetting to say my mobile no isn't working in india, so its email or a welcome home card posted to brighton for now really!

lots of water

just uploaded some more photos for you onto flickr and noticed a water theme.. being by the sea and spending a night on a boat is whats done that. not a bad thing though - being by water seems to equal relaxation. above pictures pretty much sum up my life of late - reading, napping, watching the world go by, resting, bit of chatting...

i spent a few days with the gang - andy, kirsty and diana, which was a pretty chilled out affair. although for some reason i struggled a bit, thanks to the usual lack of sleep problem and i think just the logistics of group travel. its definitely a lot easier to get about alone in some ways - you and all your luggage fit into one rickshaw and you can make a quick decision, whereas the four of us did need some time to sort ourselves out occasionally. but i couldn't have experienced life on a houseboat without them, so i am very grateful. we lazed about for a day and a night enjoying a very slow world pass by. highly recommend it.

it was a bit of a wake up call to living and relating to more than one person at a time, and a reminder of much more of brighton life. i guess i'm not sure i was entirely ready for either, and looking back i'm hoping i have learnt something of how to relate to others and how to be back in 'brighton mode'. it probably sounds ridiculous, its not as though i have been a hermit all of this year living on the moon. but it has been a very different time, especially in terms of doing things my own way so freely. poor becs was the first guinea pig to test out my abilities to adapt back, and bless her, thanks to her being so constantly lovely, i think we would both call that time a huge success. but if the responsibility is on me to be lovely and accommodating and ready to adapt... well i am not sure success will come so quickly! it would be fair to say i miss becs.

but i am back on my own as of today, i've come to fort kochin a bit up the coast in kerala. so far so good, and as i start to plan the rest of my time, i realise i have plenty of time to spend in each remaining place i want to see, so i plan to take my time enjoying 'god's own country' as kerala likes to call itself. its definitely a different place down here. i know i travelled nearly the length of a subcontinent, so you might think i was expecting some differences being so far from rajasthan, but i have been surprised. there are no cows wandering around which is a bonus for ease of walking but sad loss of amusement. i've been bizarrely short on great food since arriving down south, but that may just be bad luck. the gang seem to have been on a 2 meals a day routine, thanks to possible theories of time difference and major increase in temperature reducing appetite.. but either way i was constantly feeling short of a decent meal! until we got on the boat that is, where a lovely cook sorted me out. anyway i am warming to this hot place and hoping it will be the perfect end to my year.

last little tip - if you're travelling, reading books by authors of that country is a must. i've been on an indian fiction run and am loving it. just so great to recognise details from what i've seen and to get more insights into this culture and place. some high quality authors. loving it.

responding to beauty

its been funny touring round beautiful buildings with becs as we have quite different ways of taking it all in. we chatted a bit about what the difference between us is, and becs pointed out that she is always very aware of the amazing craftmanship, which i hate to admit i'm normally pretty oblivious to. i guess i figure i am just not a buildings kind of a person and mostly get excited about the views out from a high up location, rather than the sights of the building itself. but even i would have to say the taj mahal really was beautiful. i tend to look for lovely shapes, especially lovely arches in india.. and there was plenty of that at the taj - amazing domes in particular. the experience was very different from, say our peaceful wander around bundi palace and fort, there was no chance for any peace and a lot of unwanted hassle from muppets wanting to take their photo with me - presumably to show off their western girlfriend?! but it was still a fun day, even if i did feel more like a tourist than ever before.

i sometimes feel like i am getting too full up with beauty, that my eyes are struggling to take much more in, that i can only allow myself a light scan of my surroundings these days as i am so full up with amazing sights already. of course it doesn't work like that really, i continue to be amazed by colour here and always give that a proper look.. but i do think its ridiculous for one person to have seen as much as i have in one year when so many would not see even a fraction in a lifetime. i just hope i can treasure these sights for a long time to come and continue to spot beauty wherever i am now that i have been given proof of just how much there is in this world.

responding to cows

i wish i could better capture on camera how it is to spend my days with cows everywhere. despite the novelty value wearing off, it still amuses me no end and i often have to stop and stare at a particularly good specimen of a beast. on the whole it is a pain to constantly give them a wide berth when walking in narrow streets and keep eyes on the floor to sidestep poo. sometimes it gets close to being a more literal pain - i did manage to do something wrong in pushkar and ended up with a cow trying to butt me with its horns. luckily it only had a couple of steps run-up space and i fitted between the horns pretty nicely so no harm done. and in fairness i have never seen any such agression shown to anyone else, so must just have been something personal. but it is a bit unnerving to live so close to what are often pretty hefty animals looking distinctly like bulls, even if they are sometimes female. either way, i keep my distance these days.

responding to poverty

its like you keep your guard up the whole time, closing your heart and mind off from looking deeper at the situation in front of you, putting a barrier between you and all the touts, leery men, constant unwanted greetings and pestering kids.

then once in a while something causes your guard to slip - you get to know a shopkeeper or waiter a bit better, you're watching an old person hobble along the street, you look right into the eyes of a beggar pleading with you... and then an overwhelming compassion fills you and then you're stuck. whatever response you manage will never be enough to recognise the huge disparity of your experience of life compared with theirs. whatever small kindness you may then try to express, you will not have the resources the show the same compassion to the many other similarly needy people who will cross your path that same day.

its not even just a matter of limited resources, financial and emotional, its that i cannot bear to live with that weight of compassion in my heart for more than a brief moment. i cannot bear to truly open my eyes. consequently my response to poverty here has been pretty pitiful and for the first time i don't feel quite right being a tourist in a country.

backtracking

well its 10.30pm and i had a craps nights sleep as i am rubbish at sharing a bed which is what becs and i are currently trying to do. i just keep waking up in the night aware of my personal space being invaded and hearing all the funny noises of another person breathing etc.. more information than you need probably, but it has entertained our current hotel manager no end that i was so keen to find a way of separating our beds, sadly its not possible. anyway i had my first chai today so i am buzzing! i've avoided chai till now despite knowing i would love it as i am normally caffeine free, but exception had to be made and i needed waking up. it was delicious.

i didn't think it was possible but the cuisine of this country keeps surprising me with even more delicious treats - the latest being dosas, a south indian crepe type option which are just gorgeous. so i continue to enjoy my food here.

bizarrely we are now back in udaipur as a short trip to jaipur made us both think better of spending much more time in big cities, they are just not fun to try and wander around, so we have retreated back to our favourite place yet. very glad to be back in such a relaxing and beautiful place that is familiar. i also really enjoyed the journey back here, although it took a whole day, you see more than usual and get to be a bit more out of the 'tourist comfort zone'. i have been especially chuffed with our last few efforts as we are starting to catch on that the lonely planet is actually a load of rubbish a lot of the time, and have got ourselves onto the local bus system between cities and towns. before we were signing up with tourist coaches that cost more and leave at stupid times.. but now we are well practiced in just rocking up at the main bus stand, buying a ticket for a bus that always seems to be leaving within 10 minutes, maybe picking up some local snacks to supplement our supplies and then getting on board. seems that way we get quoted better prices for anything along the way, and seem to take about the same time. result.

other than that i continue to philosophise about life and my part in it and about the nature of friendship and my contribution to it. a few of you have started to warn me how difficult i might find it coming back, so i am starting to think about any ways i can help myself with that and any ways i can prepare myself. all tips welcome.

photo is the one part of jaipur i did like when we wandered around the old city bazaars and stoped at this fruit stall. i just think the look on this old man's face is priceless.

more henri gems

still loving india - only exception being the constant attempts to avoid cows, people, poo, motorbikes, rickshaws and anything else on the narrow streets. aside from that india continues to show me more and more beauty and colour - this is definitely the most colourful country i have ever been to. other delights have been horseriding in the countryside seeing a quieter life than normal (see view of women above); watching numerous sunsets; lots of lounging which suits me fine (see happy face above!); more and more shopping temptations; and occasional unbelievable moments like seeing a cow lining up as if it was just another customer in a little shop doorway and watching monkeys jump across roofs over an alleyway eyeing up the food below.

i feel like becs is putting up with a lot as i am often a lot lazier than her and in need of more sleep. without it i can be a bit of a nightmare, as many of you have sadly experienced.. a bit irritable and generally a bit more useless! i think i am starting to notice the big differences in travelling with someone else and am maybe not adapting as well as i would like, not adjusting to a different routine.

i started reading another book by henri nouwen in india that becs kindly brought out for me. those of you who have been following from the start may remember that my main inspiration last year was another book by him full of lent readings... well this book is called 'reaching out' and is another treasure trove of wisdom. anyway, it has said a lot about solitude so far and i am realising that this is one of the main treasures i will take away from this journey, the chance to enjoy solitude as well as learn to live with loneliness. i think now i need to learn that this is not about being on my own physically but about a 'solitude of the heart' as henri puts it. and i am starting to think about how that could work back in the uk as well, where i am used to having a packed diary.

the other gem from the book so far is a quote by kahlil gibran from 'the prophet' - "when you part from your friend, you grieve not; for that which you love most in him may be dearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain." that is definitely my experience this year, that absence has made the heart grow fonder and has given me greater clarity as to the 'greatness and beauty' of those i am remembering. but henri also talks about how when the absence ends and friends are physically united once more, we can struggle to live up to this new perspective.

i know for me i have spent my whole journey looking forward so much to this time with becs and realising anew how precious our friendship is, but it is easy to lose sight of that now we are together.. i don't have the quote with me, but something about our physical selves being a barrier.. i guess exampled by me not being able to look beyond how i'm going to get some good food and a decent nap into my day! so i plan to sort that out from now on and learn pretty quickly how to be an ideal companion on this new stage of my journey.

i know this is getting a bit long but i've been thinking lots and always like to share my thoughts! i've been continuing to look at the possibilities for life back in the uk. i have always felt like a jack of all trades, capable of doing pretty much whatever i fancy. the 'i can do it attitude' only increases on this journey and the possibilities open to me just seem to keep broadening. i have no idea how i am going to restrict myself to one or two choices but if i don't restrict myself i cannot see how i will ever do anything really well.. as always henri provides some more wisdom - something about not listening to the counsel of others when making decisions but delving deep into yourself, to the deepest places of your heart, to ask questions about what i must do and what is necessary to my life. so i won't ask for your advice, i will just continue to ask myself.

last point.. i realise i have spent a lot of this journey longing for a future partner and for greater intimacy in relationships, and yet i have probably got even more used to living quite selfishly, doing things my own way. i cannot see the single life ever being any better than this but i want to be content with it in less glamourous circumstances. for all my hopes, the reality is that i struggle to put the needs of others before my own, or to express my love for others in my words and actions. becs and i had a funny chat one night about me moving back into the house in brighton and becs was brave enough to explain how i have been guilty of a bit of 'princess complex' in the past! i would love to return with less of that and more demonstration of my compassion for others.

i doubt i will achieve even part of all my hopes in just the few weeks i have left on this journey, but its good to know which direction i want to head in. as i have always known, this journey was only ever a small part of the bigger journey of my life, i just hope it remains a very significant part for all the best reasons.

blue city beauty

becs and i set off from jodhpur tomorrow but it really has been such a lovely few days here in the blue city. the more time i have in this amazing country, the more i love it and the more i love the people. i don't remember travelling anywhere where the people are so friendly. here was me thinking my first time in a previous british colony, maybe i'll be representing the unpopular bunch, but oh no, they seem to love the british over here! just couldn't be nicer to us.

the journey here was a bit interesting, starting with the taxi ride to the train station in calcutta where we got stuck in a major jam, which locals attempted to sort out by waving people along nowhere in particular, or resorting to expressing their frustration by bashing our taxi with a handy brick.. but hey, we got on the train ok, in a space with some lovely bank managers! these three guys were very helpful making sure we knew all we needed to and kept chatting away. it was a good start to a long train ride which was actually fine, only coming in 4 hours late! since then traffic continues to be my main source of stress; i can only cope with a short walk around busy streets before it all gets a bit much for me - the constant effort of dodging poo and avoiding scrapes with motorbikes whizzing by.

i have been trying to learn some quick lessons of what to do when travelling with someone, having got used to doing it alone. we have already had some experiences a bit like doubles tennis when the ball goes down the middle.. when you think the other person has it all in hand. just means we've got a bit lost cycling around jodhpur, because i hadn't bothered to work out where we were meant to go and we hadn't checked ourselves against any handy landmarks.. but that was actually a nice way to spend a day.. still i think my plan from now on will be to pretend i'm not with becs sometimes and keep aiming to have all the logistics covered, keep using my brain to consider all the details.. and then it should just be two minds being better than one every time! it is great having someone else to enjoy a meal with or watch your bag when you pop to the loo.. or just sit and be silent with.. you may even see more photos of me from now on as well as there is someone around to snap me!

not sure what else to say as it is hard to sum up my feelings about this place - i just feel very at ease here, my love of colour fits right into context, the food is just always delicious, the sun keeps shining, the people couldn't be nicer, the shopping opportunities are endless and cheap.. i am very happy. long may that continue!

india impressions

india is meeting all my high expectations already and i haven't even left calcutta yet.. well its actually kolkata now but i'm struggling to get the name change right.. anyway, just had to say a bit about my first few days here before becky and i head off on the first of a few long train rides. we leave tonight to head for jodhpur 'the blue city' where we arrive on sunday morning. plan then is to head back to delhi through some other lovely places and then separate at delhi for me to head south to kerala on the 4th feb (arrive on the 6th!) and becs to come back here before heading on to cambodia.

but i jump ahead - so far its just been city life in calcutta, which normally wouldn't be my thing. i have come to realise that it takes a lot for a city to grow on me as i'm not likely to be a fan of a big place full of people that i can't get about very easily. but straight away i am drawn to this place.

i mean there is lots not to like - it is a sprawling city with people everywhere; whichever way i turn i see filth and dirt; the pavements are covered in spit, poo, piss and mangy dogs; the pollution is so bad i could barely see the city from the plane and on the ground my feet and snot are turned black and my eyes and throat sore; and there are constant reminders of a shocking poverty which means you walk past people who live on the street using standpipes to wash....

and yet there is the appeal of beautiful women draped in numerous fantastic colours and sparkly jewellery; bamboo artists creating amazing structures just round the corner; amusing negotiations at the market assisted by a cup of chai; pounding the streets by foot exploring back alleys and discovering treasures; so many lovely people already who have been so friendly and helpful; and then most of all the continuous stream of sights, sounds, smells and tastes to fill my senses.

i am so excited to be in a country where all the food seems to appeal to me, where everything i have so far tasted has been delicious, where i am more interested in local food than a western treat, and to top it all - where it is all so cheap!!

so yes, i am very happy. and this is before you've heard about the joys of being back chatting with becky.. and the excitement of hearing that matt, fi and the girls are apparently coming over to the uk within a month of me being home!! its basically all just too good. i am a bit tired from chatting well past midnight with becky the first two nights, but finally managed to restrain myself from trying to catch up on a whole year and actually just shut up and sleep last night. so feeling very well set up for seeing more of this amazing country which i do seem to love.

motorbike madness

felt like i'd been a bit self-absorbed lately so heres some comments on stuff other than me! i will remember vietnam for being beautiful - the women especially look amazing in their cone hats and long silk dresses, slits up either side with matching trousers underneath.

i couldn't really capture the motorbike madness on camera but i have never seen so many before in my life. i didn't see any accidents in vietnam and haven't looked up the statistics but i'm guessing its not good. its a bit like the bicycle situation in mozambique multiplied a lot of times and motorised - people just carry everything on their motorbikes. i saw a guy turn up at the patisserie i was enjoying having breakfast at with an oven strapped to the back of his bike full of new pastries. crazy.

the modes of transport i've experienced lately have been pretty varied.. overnight trains can be great i reckon - i travelled nearly the length of vietnam on their 'reunification express' train and saw so many beautiful rice fields and industrious people out at all hours working in them. the dinners included in your ticket price are not so great as the view though and i confess i wasn't game enough to tuck in. in fact i didn't manage to tackle vietnamese cuisine all that well save for a few spring rolls.. too much seafood going on for me.

but back to the transport, in ho chi minh city (saigon) i used a taxi, a motorbike and a cyclo (three wheeled bicycle - one at the back with a high up seat and two at the front holding a chair for the passenger), none of which felt exactly safe amongst the ridiculous amount of traffic, all of which cost about the same. taxi and cyclo took around the same amount of time but the motorbike one the race easily as they just nip in and out the whole time. i couldn't say i noticed particularly, but the pollution in the cities must be bad as most people wear face masks.

i sometimes get asked what i think of, say, the vietnamese people compared to the laos.. and i have to say, embarrassingly, that as a tourist i have no real idea. you can't miss making some observations if you travel overland in a place, a lot is there staring you in the face, like the poverty. but to get below the surface i think i would have had to move out of my nice hotel and interact a bit more outside of the tourist circle.. which i didn't do...

the one observation that has shocked me a little is the high number of older white men here with thai girlfriends - that i've met travelling the area or in thailand. it just strikes me as a bad plan - a major language barrier that no-one seems to bother too much about getting past, a big age gap, a financial inequality, in fact just inequality all round. not sure what these relationships can be based on past sex and money which just doesn't sit well with me.

not exactly connected, but i've been told that the sex trade in general is an observation i would also be shocked by, but as a woman i just don't see it. a guy i had breakfast with in hoi-an explained that all the guys who hassle me asking if i want a motorbike taxi anywhere hassle him asking if he wants a woman.. not a nice thought that a town full of tailors must also have been full of prostitutes that i was blind to.

but no regrets, its been great to be on holiday for a while and no doubt india will be a different experience. certainly the life of a traveller suits me just fine - loads of time to use as you like, lots of sitting in cafes people-watching, lots of sampling treats on the basis you keep thinking they will run out soon (but they never do, they just change!), lots of meeting strangers and chatting over meals and journeys, lots of small challenges to avoid being ripped off or to find the best options, loads and loads of new sights, sounds, tastes and experiences. i really don't mind the lack of structure to my days or the lack of work to stimulate my brain. i am over-stimulated enough by what i see and i love the spontaneity of making my own plans each day.

i make it to my last country on this journey tomorrow. i've made it this far with near perfect health (save one fungal infection!), all my possessions still intact - no theft or loss so far, a few new friends, many great memories and even enough money as everything is so cheap. can't say fairer than that. definitely got to do this again!!

reflections

it was a quiet and beautiful new year for me in lovely hoi-an, where i had the chance to spend far too much money on amazing clothes and also take time to reflect on the last year.
some of my thoughts..

i feel like i have been led on an amazing dance of life this year full of more beauty than i thought possible and such a rich and rewarding time. i have come across endless treats and treasures and fantastic people. hope its not too strange to say but i feel more beautiful myself, partly thanks to seeing myself in a floorlength silk creation, but deeper than that, i am more comfortable with myself now i've had so much time alone and enjoyed it. maybe i feel more beautiful because i am smiling so much more as well!

abigail and isabella continue to feature high in my memories and i am sad that my time with them was temporary. their love is my greatest treasure of the year. i realise i would love to be a mother myself one day and be able to love a child continuously, not missing out on stages, but watching them develop and able to grow in my understanding of them, being able to meet their needs to a large extent. it was a precious gift to be a part of my nieces life even just for the short time and i guess i have to trust that next time we meet there will still be some foundations in place because of our time together last year.

i reckon i am more open to possibilities now, just still not sure which possibility to pursue next!plans for the new year need to include some dancing (maybe give up on trapeze as i'm now a year behind Mandi who was always ahead of me anyway) and more exercise - necessary if i'm going to be able to wear any of the clothes i've just had made! also i reckon something to do with colour/textiles.. not sure what exactly, maybe more for fun than employment.. any ideas welcome, bearing in mind i can't draw!

other than that i am starting to think about being back in the uk, already looking at a busy diary trying to see lots of you lovely people.. i wonder how i will be able to keep hold of my peace and joy, how to seek out whats important to me amidst so many more distractions, how to see the way ahead with so many more choices, how to move on from a year so full of memories...

well before that challenge, i am getting more and more excited about india which seems to me may well include my best and worst times... we'll see. it will certainly be a change to have a companion to travel with, i am SO excited about seeing Becs and her blog (http://beckycrow.blogspot.com/) is already getting me excited about the place. but its a bit more chill out in bangkok first to sort myself out and enjoy a bit more time with jim, should be good. has been so far!