journey by waters

i'm back!!

2007-03-01T13:50:00.000Z

a good welcome home from rae, mum, dad and luke has been a great start. it is great to be back, eating mum's lasagne and crumble, soaking in a hot bubble bath, looking at the embarrassingly large number of clothes i've accumulated this year, seeing all the changes in the home i have known all my life, just the luxury of chatting away with people who know me better than anyone.

no post holiday blues yet, just tired so taking it easy today, hoping to keep a looming cold at bay which i seem to be getting already. it really is pretty cold here eh?!

thank you so much for remembering me, for your thoughts and prayers, for taking time to see whats been happening for me on my journey. i reckon you will hear more about it whenever you hear from me as i'm sure this year has made a deep and lasting impact on me that i hope will have far reaching consequences from here on.

i don't know how much more i will say here as this form of communication is only necessary when distance prevents face to face or at least phone conversation. so this may be the last from me for a while, but who knows the desire to tell the world about my life may hit me sooner than i think.

last day

2007-02-27T19:00:00.000Z

well its 12.30, as in after midnight, and we are all off to the airport at 1.30am for a stupidly early flight home.. i was meant to fit in a few hours sleep but there are too many thoughts rushing around my head of the past and future, so i've given up trying to sleep and wanted to let you know about my last indian adventures instead. sadly this means mum and dad will be getting a comatosed daughter back with them tomorrow, but hey!

the photos not one of my best but its evidence of my best market experience yet, in mysore. i wandered around getting friendly attention from various sources, got given a free bindi, persuaded into spending 5 rupees on a string of jasmine for my hair which a passing woman was then talked into tying on for me, bought some lovely wooden kitchen utensils for the usual rockbottom price, got flowers painted on my hands with some of the amazing colours you can see in the blog before... it was a lovely wander.

sadly the following day was one of my worst on this journey. although even then nothing is ever that bad and there are still always joys hidden in there somewhere, so don't worry.. but lack of sleep thanks to early wake-up call from nextdoor room and lack of food thanks to restaurants in the lonely planet being full or relocated meant i was far from at my best. additional complaints would be a drunk man following me onto a bus, sitting next to me stinking and making occasional attempts to touch my thigh for the next hour and a half; expensive rickshaws refusing to take me on the meter and quoting stupid prices instead, then when i finally persuade someone into taking me on the meter they just got lost and end up costing me as much anyway; wandering around with all my gear in the heat feeling a bit faint from lack of food.

but this was earlier in the day, the real problems started at the station in the evening waiting to start my 38 hour journey back to calcutta. i had never seen so many people before, the platform was packed, only one white face in the crowd who was a lovely guy from slovenia who was kind enough to share his edible treats of banana and peanut bar with me. then the train arrived on time but my carriage was locked so i waited for a few minutes with some others, then the train slowly started moving, i assumed just to reposition on the platform, so walked with it for a while. but it kept picking up speed and people were starting to surge forwards getting a bit panicked, people were jumping on and off carriages.. i had split seconds to decide whether to jump into the wrong carriage or wait for the train to return. despite regular announcements every 5 minutes before the train arrived, from when the train arrived onwards there was not a single word from the announcer so we were all pretty clueless. amongst all this confusion various guys were using the cover of a crowd to grope me whenever possible which was not helping me remain calm. so i am sorry to say once the train had gone i did start to lose it a bit and the resulting scene was me sobbing in a corner surrounded by a semicircle of bewildered/concerned gentlemen trying to chat about what to do next.

i feel very blessed as one man in particular took me on as his own mission and led me back to find his wife and son who had also been sobbing as they had lost him and had jumped from the moving train and were generally as confused as the rest of us. the man's brother had jumped on the train just in time to be reunited with his 15 year-old daughter who would otherwise have been left alone on the train.. anyway, all this chaos, lots of mobile calls later and the friendly man reunited another passenger with her bag that was on the train where his brother found it for her, he calmed me down and kept relaying whatever information he had.. and 4 1/2 hours later the train pulled back in after rumours of an assualt to the driver and a derailment. i am none the wiser as to what really went on, i was just glad to finally get some sleep just gone midnight.

it really was an unusual experience for me in india, i rarely felt my vulnerability as a white woman and i rarely saw such organisational chaos. but it was a timely experience to make me very ready to come home. and it was an eye opener to see the crowds waiting for general compartment space on a train, i had never realised the system before, that hundreds of people who cannot afford a reserved space just have to surge at the first opportunity for room that must only fit a fraction of the waiting crowd.

i would still definitely love to come back here some day, to enjoy the beauty of draping saris, the delicious food, and amazingly friendly people. india has been a perfect last treat for me giving me many last treasured memories. but i am now ready and happy to be coming home.

and the winner is...

2007-02-23T10:30:00.000Z

best display of colour - india

best scenery - new zealand

best beach - costa malabari, kerala, india

best town - joint winners luang prabang, laos and hoi-an, vietnam

best food - india, with special mention to savage garden restaurant in udaipur and costa malabari in kerala

best song lyric to fit my year - 'fantastic expectations, amazing revelations' from Ian Brown F.E.A.R.

best travelling from A to B - slowboat in laos

best adventure - desert in namibia

best swimming pool - at jim's flat, bangkok

best shopping - india

best day - stand out memory is City2Surf day in sydney. i couldn't say why it wins - maybe the quality time with my brother, the delicious and long-awaited lunch, the sense of achievement, the endomorphines running around my system, the well-deserved swim in the sea, the feeling of being part of a 63,000 strong crowd, coming home to my parents...

best email received - from helen on the morning of her wedding

best letter received - mr andy mason wins every time

best present received - caramelised peanuts made by innocence

best comedy moment - falling into pit dug for toilet at innocence's house on morning of day 2

best miracle - meeting a friend who could show me the way, filippe, in the dark on my first eve in mozambique

best book read - gilead

best tv programme seen - grey's anatomy

best church meeting attended - gospel choir competition in blantyre, malawi

best wildlife spotting - amazing coloured fish whilst snorkelling on great barrier reef

i could go on, there have been so many joys. of course there were also not so great moments..

scariest day - in desert in namibia

worst sunburn - snorkelling on great barrier reef

loneliest times - getting around sydney suburbs alone

saddest day - last day in mozambique attending a funeral and saying goodbye

most wanting to come home day - christmas day missing my mum!

but overall i cannot believe how good this year has been, and i'm not even quite finished with it yet! it has been a year of blessing - that is the best word i could use to sum up my time. it has been a year full of fantastic hospitality shown me by others, good health, amazing scenery, eye-opening experiences, freely given friendship, care and kindness shown to me, the unexpected joys of my own company and awe and wonder at life in this beautiful world.

i wouldn't say this is chance, good luck or a result of my excellent common sense! i definitely credit this year to my lord who led me on my journey and created the beauty i saw and who never left my side. i think this may be a first on this blog, but a little bible quote for you (slightly edited by me!) from psalm 4

let the light of your face shine upon me, o lord

you have filled my heart with great joy

i will lie down and sleep in peace

for you alone o lord make me dwell in safety

beach treat success

2007-02-22T11:41:00.000Z

no pictures of the beach, sorry, but it was amazing. mostly because it was normally deserted, the way a beach should be in my opinion. it wasn't photo worthy enough to warrant the risk of leaving my camera whilst i went running though, hence lack of evidence. it was the perfect beach for running on - nice flat sand hardened by the tide. so i managed to get a bit of exercise in which was great. it just seems too good to be true to spend a few days at an amazing coast like that where there just aren't more than a handful of tourists staying and hardly and locals for that matter. beautiful.

the real highlight of this treat was the food though, served on a banana leaf every evening, and always so delicious. everyone staying there ate together for lunch and dinner which meant lots of lovely chats with people, and lots of opportunity to get some last minute insights into job possibilities.

other treat was a trip to a handloom co-operative which i found fascinating. such lovely colours of cotton and such a lot of manpower to produce what are essentially simple everyday textiles.

all in all definitely glad i splashed out for a last treat, it really was that, a special time with all the space i could ask for to get excited about the future homecoming and reflect on my last amazing year. i'm busy compiling my nominations and winners for this last year to sum up the highlights, so i will reveal shortly my very own oscars, seeing as i miss the real thing being stuck on a train for 36 hours. will be back with that soon.

luscious green

2007-02-17T10:55:00.000Z

i cooled down, i walked in amazing peaceful tea plantations, i started to read 'a suitable boy' and am still only a third of the way through it, i watched too many movies on a tv in my room, i found stupidly cheap places to eat and i started to think more and more about coming home. it was a good trip to the hills. definite highlight was being blessed by the small miracle of seeing flowering coral trees once more (my favourite tree in sydney). my lovely colleague in sydney, glenda, showed me the coral tree in some botanical book and i noted that it is a native plant of india, but up till now had never seen them here. and then suddenly, i find myself back in coral tree land and at a time when they are flowering! well that made my day.

it is funny to continue holding so much in my mind - memories from this journey, thoughts of home, plans for the future, thoughts on india, reflections on life... luckily i have the time to mull it over, i'm not sure how i will manage when daily life once again starts to take up the majority of my brain space. i would hate to miss out on the remembering especially, although the joy of looking back over such good times is always tinged with the sorrow of being apart from those i grew to love so much and at the lack of plans to return anytime very soon.

my major concern from some of my mulling is how much i love being alone. it doesn't seem quite right when i always thought one of my main desires in life is to love others. but the reality is i really enjoy making decisions that are so spontaneous i almost manage to surprise myself. i think its to do with not having to communicate a plan, just getting on and doing it. i love the freedom of setting off on a whim, not having to be patient with anyone, not having to explain myself. before the joys of solitude were balanced by a strong sense of missing people so much, but now i am so close to home, i don't seem to miss people in the uk, only those in other countries that i won't be seeing in a couple of weeks.

anyway tomorrow i'm off to my extravagant last splurge, a place on the beach (a splurge at 12 pounds a night including all food!) where i hope to continue enjoying a life of luxury and beauty and reflection.

warming up

2007-02-13T16:45:00.000Z

well i have warmed to this place, at first i was worried the food wasn't up to earlier indian standards, and i hadn't experienced quite the same delights as up north. but now, i'm loving it. i've warmed up to being back on my own again as well, just love exploring by myself, hired a bike a couple of times and got about a bit. very proud of my sunset photos - see a couple more on flickr.. as i wasn't brave enough the first night to go out along one of the fishing net structures to get the best view, but second night i went for it and didn't fall in the sea, and you can see what a beautiful result i got. best sunset of the year for me photo wise i think. so enjoying the odd bit of minor risk taking and general adventure.

only downside is its also warming up literally. thinking about it i'm not sure i've lived in this level of heat before. i have no idea what actual temperature we're talking about, i'm just working on the basis that i've never had to sleep naked with absolutely no cover under a fan on all night before, feeling sweaty as i try to get to sleep and the same when i wake up. not great. also had more than a couple of times of feeling very close to fainting, that i naturally put down to lack of food, but beginning to think i may have underestimated the effects of heat.

anyway result is tomorrow i head to the hills, off to some tea plantations at 1500m altitude to cool down. should be lovely, will show you the photos soon!

open homes

2007-02-11T09:27:00.000Z

just giving an advance invitation to pop by and say hello once i'm back if you fancy it. i realise i will be pretty tied up myself with various birthday celebrations for friends and matt and family visiting from sydney. so rather than rush about trying to fit in a visit to you all in the middle of all that, for the sake of my sanity i am putting the responsibility on you!
you are more than welcome to any of the following:

sunday march 4th at my parents place in st albans for 'afternoon tea!' anytime between 4-6pm
saturday march 10th at my place in brighton anytime from 6pm - i'll only have got back a day or two before so not planning to put on a spread, sorry, will just be a cup of tea on offer! but i'll be there which is the main thing right?
may at my place in brighton - i am promising myself a month at home which coincides with the excellent brighton festival which happens ever year throughout may. so if you fancy a visit or want to book up a meal or go to an event in the festival with me... this is your chance! anything from popping in for breakfast to coming for the weekend.. i am willing to be booked up for whatever! i hope this will be a month for catching up with you lovely people properly. for more info on events in the festival see http://www.brightonfestival.org/ and its not just me opening their home for the month - for festival open homes info see http://www.aoh.org.uk/

of course i hope to see some of you at other times too, but figure everyone's busy lives mean a bit of planning is sometimes good. anyway i need something to look forward to! so feel free to let me know by email of any plans. keep forgetting to say my mobile no isn't working in india, so its email or a welcome home card posted to brighton for now really!

lots of water

2007-02-10T13:22:00.000Z

just uploaded some more photos for you onto flickr and noticed a water theme.. being by the sea and spending a night on a boat is whats done that. not a bad thing though - being by water seems to equal relaxation. above pictures pretty much sum up my life of late - reading, napping, watching the world go by, resting, bit of chatting...

i spent a few days with the gang - andy, kirsty and diana, which was a pretty chilled out affair. although for some reason i struggled a bit, thanks to the usual lack of sleep problem and i think just the logistics of group travel. its definitely a lot easier to get about alone in some ways - you and all your luggage fit into one rickshaw and you can make a quick decision, whereas the four of us did need some time to sort ourselves out occasionally. but i couldn't have experienced life on a houseboat without them, so i am very grateful. we lazed about for a day and a night enjoying a very slow world pass by. highly recommend it.

it was a bit of a wake up call to living and relating to more than one person at a time, and a reminder of much more of brighton life. i guess i'm not sure i was entirely ready for either, and looking back i'm hoping i have learnt something of how to relate to others and how to be back in 'brighton mode'. it probably sounds ridiculous, its not as though i have been a hermit all of this year living on the moon. but it has been a very different time, especially in terms of doing things my own way so freely. poor becs was the first guinea pig to test out my abilities to adapt back, and bless her, thanks to her being so constantly lovely, i think we would both call that time a huge success. but if the responsibility is on me to be lovely and accommodating and ready to adapt... well i am not sure success will come so quickly! it would be fair to say i miss becs.

but i am back on my own as of today, i've come to fort kochin a bit up the coast in kerala. so far so good, and as i start to plan the rest of my time, i realise i have plenty of time to spend in each remaining place i want to see, so i plan to take my time enjoying 'god's own country' as kerala likes to call itself. its definitely a different place down here. i know i travelled nearly the length of a subcontinent, so you might think i was expecting some differences being so far from rajasthan, but i have been surprised. there are no cows wandering around which is a bonus for ease of walking but sad loss of amusement. i've been bizarrely short on great food since arriving down south, but that may just be bad luck. the gang seem to have been on a 2 meals a day routine, thanks to possible theories of time difference and major increase in temperature reducing appetite.. but either way i was constantly feeling short of a decent meal! until we got on the boat that is, where a lovely cook sorted me out. anyway i am warming to this hot place and hoping it will be the perfect end to my year.

last little tip - if you're travelling, reading books by authors of that country is a must. i've been on an indian fiction run and am loving it. just so great to recognise details from what i've seen and to get more insights into this culture and place. some high quality authors. loving it.

responding to beauty

2007-02-02T04:55:00.000Z

its been funny touring round beautiful buildings with becs as we have quite different ways of taking it all in. we chatted a bit about what the difference between us is, and becs pointed out that she is always very aware of the amazing craftmanship, which i hate to admit i'm normally pretty oblivious to. i guess i figure i am just not a buildings kind of a person and mostly get excited about the views out from a high up location, rather than the sights of the building itself. but even i would have to say the taj mahal really was beautiful. i tend to look for lovely shapes, especially lovely arches in india.. and there was plenty of that at the taj - amazing domes in particular. the experience was very different from, say our peaceful wander around bundi palace and fort, there was no chance for any peace and a lot of unwanted hassle from muppets wanting to take their photo with me - presumably to show off their western girlfriend?! but it was still a fun day, even if i did feel more like a tourist than ever before.

i sometimes feel like i am getting too full up with beauty, that my eyes are struggling to take much more in, that i can only allow myself a light scan of my surroundings these days as i am so full up with amazing sights already. of course it doesn't work like that really, i continue to be amazed by colour here and always give that a proper look.. but i do think its ridiculous for one person to have seen as much as i have in one year when so many would not see even a fraction in a lifetime. i just hope i can treasure these sights for a long time to come and continue to spot beauty wherever i am now that i have been given proof of just how much there is in this world.

responding to cows

2007-02-02T04:35:00.000Z

i wish i could better capture on camera how it is to spend my days with cows everywhere. despite the novelty value wearing off, it still amuses me no end and i often have to stop and stare at a particularly good specimen of a beast. on the whole it is a pain to constantly give them a wide berth when walking in narrow streets and keep eyes on the floor to sidestep poo. sometimes it gets close to being a more literal pain - i did manage to do something wrong in pushkar and ended up with a cow trying to butt me with its horns. luckily it only had a couple of steps run-up space and i fitted between the horns pretty nicely so no harm done. and in fairness i have never seen any such agression shown to anyone else, so must just have been something personal. but it is a bit unnerving to live so close to what are often pretty hefty animals looking distinctly like bulls, even if they are sometimes female. either way, i keep my distance these days.

responding to poverty

2007-02-02T04:24:00.000Z

its like you keep your guard up the whole time, closing your heart and mind off from looking deeper at the situation in front of you, putting a barrier between you and all the touts, leery men, constant unwanted greetings and pestering kids.

then once in a while something causes your guard to slip - you get to know a shopkeeper or waiter a bit better, you're watching an old person hobble along the street, you look right into the eyes of a beggar pleading with you... and then an overwhelming compassion fills you and then you're stuck. whatever response you manage will never be enough to recognise the huge disparity of your experience of life compared with theirs. whatever small kindness you may then try to express, you will not have the resources the show the same compassion to the many other similarly needy people who will cross your path that same day.

its not even just a matter of limited resources, financial and emotional, its that i cannot bear to live with that weight of compassion in my heart for more than a brief moment. i cannot bear to truly open my eyes. consequently my response to poverty here has been pretty pitiful and for the first time i don't feel quite right being a tourist in a country.

backtracking

2007-01-26T16:53:00.000Z

well its 10.30pm and i had a craps nights sleep as i am rubbish at sharing a bed which is what becs and i are currently trying to do. i just keep waking up in the night aware of my personal space being invaded and hearing all the funny noises of another person breathing etc.. more information than you need probably, but it has entertained our current hotel manager no end that i was so keen to find a way of separating our beds, sadly its not possible. anyway i had my first chai today so i am buzzing! i've avoided chai till now despite knowing i would love it as i am normally caffeine free, but exception had to be made and i needed waking up. it was delicious.

i didn't think it was possible but the cuisine of this country keeps surprising me with even more delicious treats - the latest being dosas, a south indian crepe type option which are just gorgeous. so i continue to enjoy my food here.

bizarrely we are now back in udaipur as a short trip to jaipur made us both think better of spending much more time in big cities, they are just not fun to try and wander around, so we have retreated back to our favourite place yet. very glad to be back in such a relaxing and beautiful place that is familiar. i also really enjoyed the journey back here, although it took a whole day, you see more than usual and get to be a bit more out of the 'tourist comfort zone'. i have been especially chuffed with our last few efforts as we are starting to catch on that the lonely planet is actually a load of rubbish a lot of the time, and have got ourselves onto the local bus system between cities and towns. before we were signing up with tourist coaches that cost more and leave at stupid times.. but now we are well practiced in just rocking up at the main bus stand, buying a ticket for a bus that always seems to be leaving within 10 minutes, maybe picking up some local snacks to supplement our supplies and then getting on board. seems that way we get quoted better prices for anything along the way, and seem to take about the same time. result.

other than that i continue to philosophise about life and my part in it and about the nature of friendship and my contribution to it. a few of you have started to warn me how difficult i might find it coming back, so i am starting to think about any ways i can help myself with that and any ways i can prepare myself. all tips welcome.

photo is the one part of jaipur i did like when we wandered around the old city bazaars and stoped at this fruit stall. i just think the look on this old man's face is priceless.

more henri gems

2007-01-21T15:13:00.000Z

still loving india - only exception being the constant attempts to avoid cows, people, poo, motorbikes, rickshaws and anything else on the narrow streets. aside from that india continues to show me more and more beauty and colour - this is definitely the most colourful country i have ever been to. other delights have been horseriding in the countryside seeing a quieter life than normal (see view of women above); watching numerous sunsets; lots of lounging which suits me fine (see happy face above!); more and more shopping temptations; and occasional unbelievable moments like seeing a cow lining up as if it was just another customer in a little shop doorway and watching monkeys jump across roofs over an alleyway eyeing up the food below.

i feel like becs is putting up with a lot as i am often a lot lazier than her and in need of more sleep. without it i can be a bit of a nightmare, as many of you have sadly experienced.. a bit irritable and generally a bit more useless! i think i am starting to notice the big differences in travelling with someone else and am maybe not adapting as well as i would like, not adjusting to a different routine.

i started reading another book by henri nouwen in india that becs kindly brought out for me. those of you who have been following from the start may remember that my main inspiration last year was another book by him full of lent readings... well this book is called 'reaching out' and is another treasure trove of wisdom. anyway, it has said a lot about solitude so far and i am realising that this is one of the main treasures i will take away from this journey, the chance to enjoy solitude as well as learn to live with loneliness. i think now i need to learn that this is not about being on my own physically but about a 'solitude of the heart' as henri puts it. and i am starting to think about how that could work back in the uk as well, where i am used to having a packed diary.

the other gem from the book so far is a quote by kahlil gibran from 'the prophet' - "when you part from your friend, you grieve not; for that which you love most in him may be dearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain." that is definitely my experience this year, that absence has made the heart grow fonder and has given me greater clarity as to the 'greatness and beauty' of those i am remembering. but henri also talks about how when the absence ends and friends are physically united once more, we can struggle to live up to this new perspective.

i know for me i have spent my whole journey looking forward so much to this time with becs and realising anew how precious our friendship is, but it is easy to lose sight of that now we are together.. i don't have the quote with me, but something about our physical selves being a barrier.. i guess exampled by me not being able to look beyond how i'm going to get some good food and a decent nap into my day! so i plan to sort that out from now on and learn pretty quickly how to be an ideal companion on this new stage of my journey.

i know this is getting a bit long but i've been thinking lots and always like to share my thoughts! i've been continuing to look at the possibilities for life back in the uk. i have always felt like a jack of all trades, capable of doing pretty much whatever i fancy. the 'i can do it attitude' only increases on this journey and the possibilities open to me just seem to keep broadening. i have no idea how i am going to restrict myself to one or two choices but if i don't restrict myself i cannot see how i will ever do anything really well.. as always henri provides some more wisdom - something about not listening to the counsel of others when making decisions but delving deep into yourself, to the deepest places of your heart, to ask questions about what i must do and what is necessary to my life. so i won't ask for your advice, i will just continue to ask myself.

last point.. i realise i have spent a lot of this journey longing for a future partner and for greater intimacy in relationships, and yet i have probably got even more used to living quite selfishly, doing things my own way. i cannot see the single life ever being any better than this but i want to be content with it in less glamourous circumstances. for all my hopes, the reality is that i struggle to put the needs of others before my own, or to express my love for others in my words and actions. becs and i had a funny chat one night about me moving back into the house in brighton and becs was brave enough to explain how i have been guilty of a bit of 'princess complex' in the past! i would love to return with less of that and more demonstration of my compassion for others.

i doubt i will achieve even part of all my hopes in just the few weeks i have left on this journey, but its good to know which direction i want to head in. as i have always known, this journey was only ever a small part of the bigger journey of my life, i just hope it remains a very significant part for all the best reasons.

blue city beauty

2007-01-16T14:41:00.000Z

becs and i set off from jodhpur tomorrow but it really has been such a lovely few days here in the blue city. the more time i have in this amazing country, the more i love it and the more i love the people. i don't remember travelling anywhere where the people are so friendly. here was me thinking my first time in a previous british colony, maybe i'll be representing the unpopular bunch, but oh no, they seem to love the british over here! just couldn't be nicer to us.

the journey here was a bit interesting, starting with the taxi ride to the train station in calcutta where we got stuck in a major jam, which locals attempted to sort out by waving people along nowhere in particular, or resorting to expressing their frustration by bashing our taxi with a handy brick.. but hey, we got on the train ok, in a space with some lovely bank managers! these three guys were very helpful making sure we knew all we needed to and kept chatting away. it was a good start to a long train ride which was actually fine, only coming in 4 hours late! since then traffic continues to be my main source of stress; i can only cope with a short walk around busy streets before it all gets a bit much for me - the constant effort of dodging poo and avoiding scrapes with motorbikes whizzing by.

i have been trying to learn some quick lessons of what to do when travelling with someone, having got used to doing it alone. we have already had some experiences a bit like doubles tennis when the ball goes down the middle.. when you think the other person has it all in hand. just means we've got a bit lost cycling around jodhpur, because i hadn't bothered to work out where we were meant to go and we hadn't checked ourselves against any handy landmarks.. but that was actually a nice way to spend a day.. still i think my plan from now on will be to pretend i'm not with becs sometimes and keep aiming to have all the logistics covered, keep using my brain to consider all the details.. and then it should just be two minds being better than one every time! it is great having someone else to enjoy a meal with or watch your bag when you pop to the loo.. or just sit and be silent with.. you may even see more photos of me from now on as well as there is someone around to snap me!

not sure what else to say as it is hard to sum up my feelings about this place - i just feel very at ease here, my love of colour fits right into context, the food is just always delicious, the sun keeps shining, the people couldn't be nicer, the shopping opportunities are endless and cheap.. i am very happy. long may that continue!

india impressions

2007-01-12T05:21:00.000Z

india is meeting all my high expectations already and i haven't even left calcutta yet.. well its actually kolkata now but i'm struggling to get the name change right.. anyway, just had to say a bit about my first few days here before becky and i head off on the first of a few long train rides. we leave tonight to head for jodhpur 'the blue city' where we arrive on sunday morning. plan then is to head back to delhi through some other lovely places and then separate at delhi for me to head south to kerala on the 4th feb (arrive on the 6th!) and becs to come back here before heading on to cambodia.

but i jump ahead - so far its just been city life in calcutta, which normally wouldn't be my thing. i have come to realise that it takes a lot for a city to grow on me as i'm not likely to be a fan of a big place full of people that i can't get about very easily. but straight away i am drawn to this place.

i mean there is lots not to like - it is a sprawling city with people everywhere; whichever way i turn i see filth and dirt; the pavements are covered in spit, poo, piss and mangy dogs; the pollution is so bad i could barely see the city from the plane and on the ground my feet and snot are turned black and my eyes and throat sore; and there are constant reminders of a shocking poverty which means you walk past people who live on the street using standpipes to wash....

and yet there is the appeal of beautiful women draped in numerous fantastic colours and sparkly jewellery; bamboo artists creating amazing structures just round the corner; amusing negotiations at the market assisted by a cup of chai; pounding the streets by foot exploring back alleys and discovering treasures; so many lovely people already who have been so friendly and helpful; and then most of all the continuous stream of sights, sounds, smells and tastes to fill my senses.

i am so excited to be in a country where all the food seems to appeal to me, where everything i have so far tasted has been delicious, where i am more interested in local food than a western treat, and to top it all - where it is all so cheap!!

so yes, i am very happy. and this is before you've heard about the joys of being back chatting with becky.. and the excitement of hearing that matt, fi and the girls are apparently coming over to the uk within a month of me being home!! its basically all just too good. i am a bit tired from chatting well past midnight with becky the first two nights, but finally managed to restrain myself from trying to catch up on a whole year and actually just shut up and sleep last night. so feeling very well set up for seeing more of this amazing country which i do seem to love.

motorbike madness

2007-01-08T05:12:00.000Z

felt like i'd been a bit self-absorbed lately so heres some comments on stuff other than me! i will remember vietnam for being beautiful - the women especially look amazing in their cone hats and long silk dresses, slits up either side with matching trousers underneath.

i couldn't really capture the motorbike madness on camera but i have never seen so many before in my life. i didn't see any accidents in vietnam and haven't looked up the statistics but i'm guessing its not good. its a bit like the bicycle situation in mozambique multiplied a lot of times and motorised - people just carry everything on their motorbikes. i saw a guy turn up at the patisserie i was enjoying having breakfast at with an oven strapped to the back of his bike full of new pastries. crazy.

the modes of transport i've experienced lately have been pretty varied.. overnight trains can be great i reckon - i travelled nearly the length of vietnam on their 'reunification express' train and saw so many beautiful rice fields and industrious people out at all hours working in them. the dinners included in your ticket price are not so great as the view though and i confess i wasn't game enough to tuck in. in fact i didn't manage to tackle vietnamese cuisine all that well save for a few spring rolls.. too much seafood going on for me.

but back to the transport, in ho chi minh city (saigon) i used a taxi, a motorbike and a cyclo (three wheeled bicycle - one at the back with a high up seat and two at the front holding a chair for the passenger), none of which felt exactly safe amongst the ridiculous amount of traffic, all of which cost about the same. taxi and cyclo took around the same amount of time but the motorbike one the race easily as they just nip in and out the whole time. i couldn't say i noticed particularly, but the pollution in the cities must be bad as most people wear face masks.

i sometimes get asked what i think of, say, the vietnamese people compared to the laos.. and i have to say, embarrassingly, that as a tourist i have no real idea. you can't miss making some observations if you travel overland in a place, a lot is there staring you in the face, like the poverty. but to get below the surface i think i would have had to move out of my nice hotel and interact a bit more outside of the tourist circle.. which i didn't do...

the one observation that has shocked me a little is the high number of older white men here with thai girlfriends - that i've met travelling the area or in thailand. it just strikes me as a bad plan - a major language barrier that no-one seems to bother too much about getting past, a big age gap, a financial inequality, in fact just inequality all round. not sure what these relationships can be based on past sex and money which just doesn't sit well with me.

not exactly connected, but i've been told that the sex trade in general is an observation i would also be shocked by, but as a woman i just don't see it. a guy i had breakfast with in hoi-an explained that all the guys who hassle me asking if i want a motorbike taxi anywhere hassle him asking if he wants a woman.. not a nice thought that a town full of tailors must also have been full of prostitutes that i was blind to.

but no regrets, its been great to be on holiday for a while and no doubt india will be a different experience. certainly the life of a traveller suits me just fine - loads of time to use as you like, lots of sitting in cafes people-watching, lots of sampling treats on the basis you keep thinking they will run out soon (but they never do, they just change!), lots of meeting strangers and chatting over meals and journeys, lots of small challenges to avoid being ripped off or to find the best options, loads and loads of new sights, sounds, tastes and experiences. i really don't mind the lack of structure to my days or the lack of work to stimulate my brain. i am over-stimulated enough by what i see and i love the spontaneity of making my own plans each day.

i make it to my last country on this journey tomorrow. i've made it this far with near perfect health (save one fungal infection!), all my possessions still intact - no theft or loss so far, a few new friends, many great memories and even enough money as everything is so cheap. can't say fairer than that. definitely got to do this again!!

reflections

2007-01-06T05:22:00.000Z

it was a quiet and beautiful new year for me in lovely hoi-an, where i had the chance to spend far too much money on amazing clothes and also take time to reflect on the last year.
some of my thoughts..

i feel like i have been led on an amazing dance of life this year full of more beauty than i thought possible and such a rich and rewarding time. i have come across endless treats and treasures and fantastic people. hope its not too strange to say but i feel more beautiful myself, partly thanks to seeing myself in a floorlength silk creation, but deeper than that, i am more comfortable with myself now i've had so much time alone and enjoyed it. maybe i feel more beautiful because i am smiling so much more as well!

abigail and isabella continue to feature high in my memories and i am sad that my time with them was temporary. their love is my greatest treasure of the year. i realise i would love to be a mother myself one day and be able to love a child continuously, not missing out on stages, but watching them develop and able to grow in my understanding of them, being able to meet their needs to a large extent. it was a precious gift to be a part of my nieces life even just for the short time and i guess i have to trust that next time we meet there will still be some foundations in place because of our time together last year.

i reckon i am more open to possibilities now, just still not sure which possibility to pursue next!plans for the new year need to include some dancing (maybe give up on trapeze as i'm now a year behind Mandi who was always ahead of me anyway) and more exercise - necessary if i'm going to be able to wear any of the clothes i've just had made! also i reckon something to do with colour/textiles.. not sure what exactly, maybe more for fun than employment.. any ideas welcome, bearing in mind i can't draw!

other than that i am starting to think about being back in the uk, already looking at a busy diary trying to see lots of you lovely people.. i wonder how i will be able to keep hold of my peace and joy, how to seek out whats important to me amidst so many more distractions, how to see the way ahead with so many more choices, how to move on from a year so full of memories...

well before that challenge, i am getting more and more excited about india which seems to me may well include my best and worst times... we'll see. it will certainly be a change to have a companion to travel with, i am SO excited about seeing Becs and her blog (http://beckycrow.blogspot.com/) is already getting me excited about the place. but its a bit more chill out in bangkok first to sort myself out and enjoy a bit more time with jim, should be good. has been so far!

cambodian christmas

2006-12-27T11:28:00.000Z

well its been a mixed experience for my first christmas away. some moments just missing my family no end and unable to stop thinking of what i'm missing and other moments able to enjoy the one off opportunity before me.. it was lovely to be back in a country that reminds me so much of mozambique - cycling around, carrying small child on my back, waking up itching mosquito bites (!), flushing the squat loo with a cup of water, potholed roads etc.. its not all great stuff but it is a life that i am strangely drawn to.
tim and catherine did a top job of pulling out all the stops to provide endless christmas treats which included baked potatoes, orange christmas tree x 2, homemade bread and scones, ginger wine, a bedroom full of orange balloons... it certainly felt like a special time for treats and celebrations.
eden and forrest also played their part, eden in particular being more friendly than my own flesh and blood isabella had been when i first met her! eden is quite happy to give anyone a kiss and cuddle so i made the most of that!
it all seems ridiculously brief thought as i'm now on my way to vietnam, just stopping one night now in phnom penh. i've learnt a few lessons on my way today
a) set an alarm when catching early morning transport. i failed to manage that so set off having had 5 mins to get up and go and say goodbyes
b) never take malaria tablets without food. i took my daily dose before realising that my late schedule meant breakfast had to be missed. this resulted in lesson
c) always carry a spare plastic bag. being sick on a bus requires one.
d) do not assume moto drivers know their way around. i have wasted at least an hour this afternoon reading my rough guide map on the back of motorbikes trying to work out where on earth we've ended up!
but its all good, i've got where i needed to and was not too ill, have discovered that i can survive without food a lot longer than i thought and have treated myself to a bit more luxury in my nights accommodation to make up for the other shortfalls in my day! so should be a breeze from here on!

greetings from asia!!

2006-12-20T17:14:00.000Z

it is so strange not to be saying this in person to lots of you or not writing my usual mini essays in cards to the rest of you.. but this is a different year from normal so my greetings come to you over the internet. i do feel bad about it but hey. so i wanted to wish you a very happy christmas, i'm hoping that you get the chance to enjoy a bit of time out from all the usual christmas chaos and that you get some quality time with some people important to you.
for me christmas is all about the coming of peace and joy and hope and light and life and all the good things because i am celebrating the coming of jesus into this world. if i'm honest its often tricky to actually experience those things at christmas time as it is always so busy.. so its interesting that this year has been more full of all of the above than any other year in my life. i am having a run-up to christmas completely full of peace and joy and light and life and hope and excitement. so although it is a very different experience for me from normal, it is certainly not a bad one.
i always enjoy reading a bit of chapter 1 in john around christmas precisely because its full of talk of light and life when it describes the coming of jesus. this year i noticed a bit i hadn't seen before, verse 16:
"from the fulness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another"
well, how true that is for me this year. may it be so for you too

mekong adventures

2006-12-11T14:41:00.000Z

so i had imagined a romantic journey travelling peacefully down the mekong river from the thai border to luang prabang watching village life pass by and admiring sunset views... well there was some of that but mostly i ended up on a party boat full to the brim with white tourists who spent two days on a slowboat drinking beer, smoking pot and cigarettes, playing cards and taking photos of themselves.. it was very entertaining and i was tempted to take more photos of my companions than the view but i resisted and you can see some of the results for yourself, see my photos link. it was very beautiful and very peaceful at the same time, with added bonus amusement factors. i am loving my time in southeast asia, surprisingly glad not to be coming home yet, hope no-one takes offence at that. but it is just great to be out having these adventures and seeing so much. i will keep in touch.

temples, massage and birthday fun

2006-12-08T03:33:00.000Z

no photo today sorry, but see my photos link for some of our fun out in bangkok on tuesday night for the king's birthday. extra special celebrations here this year as he's been on the throne 60 years. basically everyone wears a yellow tshirt and lights a yellow candle in the eve and generally all congregate in certain parts of the city to provide me with excellent yellow photo opportunities! i loved it, just thought everyone wearing the same colour was fantastic.
i'm now in chiang mai enjoying a quieter life, loving being able to get about on foot, and then recovering from that with a quality foot massage! everything really does seem cheap - an hours foot massage is just over 2 pounds, my ensuite room for the night is only 1.50.. so naturally i am taking that as an opportunity to have the odd treat - lemon crepes with yogurt this morning were especially delicious! that plan can backfire though - went for a spontaneous head/arms/hand massage whilst shopping at the night markets last night and came away with a headache and sore arms! i feel like i have experienced the top and bottom ends of the massage quality range.
as for temples - well that seems to be the main sightseeing event in the cities, to pop and see the odd temple but i don't really get it. i mean i can see they are often beautiful buildings, but one or two of those and i'm templed out. its not like i even enjoy touring round churches all that much and at least then i take some significance from them as places of worship. so may stick to bargaining at markets, eating delicious treats and relaxing by getting a massage.. not a bad life at all

bangkok high life

2006-12-05T08:59:00.000Z

turns out i've started my first trip to asia at the upper end of the scale with my stay at jims. here is the view from his apartment and a snap of the lovely pool which i've enjoyed a couple of times already. not bad. i could be forgiven for forgetting where i am occasionally, sipping frappucino in starbucks downstairs or lounging by the pool. but then all it takes is a short ride on the back of a motorcycle taxi to remind me i am in a whole new world here.
i'm booked on a sleeper train to chaing mai on wednesday night and i guess there may be a bit more challenge from there on. but this start has been perfect easing me in gently, getting all the assistance i could ask for from jim who has mastered thai and life here in just 10 months. the language barrier has been the biggest shock, i had totally forgotten what its like to try and communicate without any common words at all. in fact i've probably never been in that position before as i've always known at least some words like portuguese in mozambique. so i'm trying to pick up a bit here and there and failing that i plan to start using my very helpful point-it book given to me as a leaving gift by the inspired nicky & patrick. simply point at the relevant picture and hope for understanding - can't be that hard?!
i'm not quite up for roast chicken at breakfast yet and am very glad i packed some weetabix! but i am sleeping fine despite the heat and haven't got into any trouble yet so feeling well set to see more of this new world.

looking back and moving on

2006-12-02T20:59:00.000Z

so i fly to bangkok later today after a mad, fun-filled week in sydney. i am all packed, pretty pleased with my improved lighter packing skills these days. i've already had many tearful goodbyes to other friends and today i am prepared that leaving matt, fi, abigail and isabella is going to be very sad. on the plus side i have had the loveliest times with the girls in particular this week, i guess either they know i'm going or they missed me when i was in new zealand, either way they have never been more lovely to me! lots of extra kisses and long cuddles - result. its been more tricky getting quality time in with matt and fi as life in the mansion continues to be pretty hectic but i am certainly taking away some amazing memories of being welcomed into a family household and given a space to play my small part in it all for a while. i can only hope that i get to see them all again before too long.
so from here it is bangkok for a few days with a friend called jim from youth group days back in my teens! he is very kindly meeting me at the airport so my journey continues to be ridiculously easy. then after some faffing there sorting out onward flight to india and a couple of visas, its a journey to my friend liz in laos via chiang mai in northern thailand and maybe a boat trip on the mekong river. then its a journey, back via bangkok, to tim, catherine, forrest and eden in cambodia where i will be enjoying a very different christmas. and then its onward to a relaxing beach either in vietnam where i could get a new wardrobe tailored or back to a thai island to recover my senses before hitting calcutta on around jan 10th to meet the very lovely miss becky crow for a few weeks travelling in rajasthan. then i head to kerala without her but to meet other friends - andy and kirsty, a surprise added bonus, where we have one week together and i carry on alone for a couple of weeks, then its back to calcutta, maybe try and fit in a quick trip up to darjeeling before flying out from calcutta on february 28th to come HOME!!
i am starting to think about coming home and am of course very excited about seeing everyone. no concrete plans for future employment yet but beginning to get more ideas. it was so fantastic to meet such a diversity of interesting people along my way in new zealand with all sorts of different life stories that made me think the options for my future really are endless. i guess to be honest, i realise i have probably put off making a specific plan for my next few years because i have always imagined getting married and starting a family round about nowish. so i am trying to move away from that fixed idea and learning to start imagining a different future where i make my own plans by myself for now or maybe always. it requires a lot more courage for me to consider making those kind of plans but its also exciting to begin thinking about all the many possibilities.
this year travelling alone is definitely shaping up to be the best year of my life so far and although it is lonely at times and of course i often wish i could share it with someone else, it has been a very special time for realising stepping out on adventures by myself can be very rewarding. i now know for sure that i am very comfortable in my own company, i very happily enjoy chatting to new people and i do love the freedom to make my own decisions. for those of you who have been wondering but too polite to ask, no there hasn't been even the slightest hint of any romance yet by the way, i wouldn't keep back news like that believe me!
so, there you have some of the more honest picture of things. overall i cannot emphasise enough how fantastic the month in new zealand was in particular, but this whole journey so far as well, and how excited i am about my next steps. you will hear more here soon.

favourite country yet

2006-11-22T02:16:00.000Z

the joys i have known in New Zealand's South Island are many. what a place. its hard to know whether it really beats the Namib desert or not, but when i think we are talking about so many different places, everywhere i have been in the South Island has astounded me at some point with such beauty, so i reckon as a country NZ wins so far on my tour of this amazing world.
it turns out i really love walking on my own, i just love the peace and contentment that comes from getting out there and seeing it all with all the time in the world to let thoughts come and go, to remember others, to pray and consider life in all its magnificence. then there is the sense of achievement when i get to set my little timer going on the camera to catch me grinning on the top of some beautiful mountain i've managed to climb. i love the way you can feel blood filling up in your fingers and your leg muscles tighten if you walk fast for a while. i love the loud pounding of my heart as i climb fast. i love meeting people in tramping huts who always seem to be the best kinds of people but so diverse with so many interesting stories. i love beating the estimated times for tracks by going for it.
i have come away with so many lovely memories - kayaking on Milford Sound, climbing up to Luxmore Hut on the Kepler track in a downpour, wandering the rose garden in Christchurch with Nikki, sitting on the shores of Lake Tekapo with amazing colour everywhere, silenced by the beauty of ice on Franz Josef glacier.. it has been the best month and has left me feeling so full of joy and peace and so full of life.
i'm back in sydney now in an empty mansion as the family are away on holidays, back on sunday. then its one more week with them all before flying to bangkok the following sunday (dec 3rd). so you will hear more from me soon

fear and adrenalin

2006-11-11T20:49:00.000Z

i just had to write again as i had a mad day yesterday. guess i spoke too soon about the weather as i had a day of gale force winds and plenty of rain in which to set off on my day walk to view the rob roy glacier. i would show you the photos of the glacier only my camera couldn't tell the difference between ice and clouds so you can't see it! but it was beautiful.
the walk to get there however was a bit scary. figure its ok to tell you all about it now i'm back safe and sound. so it was supposedly 15 mins across fields to get to a swing bridge, but the valley acted as a great wind tunnel so it was impossible to walk in a straight line the force of the wind against you was so strong. then the bridge was swinging well before i set foot on it. my next stop is queenstown where the norm is to pay out loads of money to skydive or bungy jump but forget that, you get a rush for free by walking across a swinging bridge in strong winds. i nearly turned back at that point, but figured it would be much more sheltered from the other side on as the path carried on below the treeline for most of the rest of the walk. so got across the bridge with adrenalin levels pretty high and beginning to question my sanity, only to find the track that was supposed to be more sheltered from there on had its own fear factors. obviously once in a while there is an avalanche or rockfall that crosses the track which is then patched up and signposted nicely as being a bit dangerous! well thats all very well if you're walking later on once its all been sorted out, but what about the poor people walking there when it happens?! i was a bit unnerved.
anyway after an hour or so i finally passed some other walkers which made me feel much better knowing that other people were as foolish as me, so it surely can't be that bad. although i did note that during the whole day i never saw another person walking alone - it was all couples or groups. last little fright was the thunderous sound of ice cracking when you stop at the top to look over at the glacier.
anyway, i'm back in one piece and it was a beautiful walk, and within limits i quite enjoy being a bit scared! might check out all the warnings a bit better before my next hike though. i am getting more clued up about the fact that one bad step and i could end up pretty injured. the walks i do are always popular enough that there will be people coming past within a short time, but still, i am taking care to avoid tree stumps and roots as i now know they get very slippy when wet, i don't plan to wear flip flops again and i try to slow myself when coming downhill! just so you know i am taking care of myself!

more fun less pain

2006-11-10T03:18:00.000Z

i didn't think things could get much better, but they are!! i am still absolutely loving it here. i barely even get a chance to miss all you lovely people when i'm constantly surrounded by such amazing beauty, it really is too much! people tried to tell me i'd like new zealand as its a bit like home, but believe me, this is way better than the UK! we don't even come close to the sort of grand magnificence i keep seeing here (in my opinion anyway).
i spent a day doing a guided walk on a glacier and was blown away. beginning to think this place may even beat namibia for my top country although its a close thing. but the beauty of all the ice formations and the snow capped mountains and the rivers and trees and waterfalls and beaches and lakes... its my kind of place for exploring. even better, it shouldn't be too tough on my feet from here on as i'm only doing day walks and one more overnight tramp before leaving.
we have had some rain so i have just holed up in a hostel once in a while and watched too many movies including lord of the rings x 3 all over again - seemed appropriate in this location! but whenever i've had to be out all day its been amazing weather, so i can't expect that to continue but so far so good.
i had such a lovely weekend with Mark, Nikki, Zach + Poppy as well, loads of amazing homemade food, a good coastal run, fun choosing sofa fabric, great local food market.. just a special time with them all.
so its another two weeks of this and then back to sydney. i'm getting some top tips off other people in hostels about my asia travels so thats great. i guess if i'm honest i am just a bit apprehensive about christmas, the one part of my year i've always been nervous about as christmas for me has always been with my family and all the amazing efforts of my mum to make it extra special. but this year could be a chance to enjoy something different so i'm trying to hand onto that opportunity. i'll be spending it with the lawrence family in cambodia which is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity if ever there was one. by the way, as everything this christmas is so different, i'm sorry not to be sending any cards or pressies this year as i'm short on time, funds and the chance to see you all enjoy it! so, rather than stress out trying to make the last posting date in 2 days time (?!) i will be sending my greetings out on this blog nearer the time. the good news is that means i'm not expecting any effort in return, especially seeing as i'll have no postal address anyway. so its a year off buying beautiful orange gifts everyone!

no pain no gain

2006-11-03T08:54:00.000Z

well i have a new understanding of this phrase. my feet did begin to give me serious trouble on this next tramp in abel tasman park. but it was so definitely worth it. each corner i would stumble across yet another beautiful deserted bay that seemed like a secret just waiting for me to find. the views were amazing, i loved it - see some of the sights on my photos link. again there is something about exploring a place on my own two feet which i just love, even if those feet are in agony.
as well as the gain from being in such beauty, i also realised that for one who likes a physical challenge i rarely get close to my physical limitations and this time i really did. then when you know you have managed to do something near to your maximum capability, you get a much bigger sense of achievement. basically the simple rule has only just been grasped by me - that something has to be difficult for you to be proud of doing it. i now have a very self-satisfied smug on my face!
this second tramp turned out to be flip flop disaster number 2 (number 1 occurred in the Namib desert if you missed that bit). basically i was forced to walk the second day in my flip flops thanks to major heat rash on both ankles, continued trouble with blisters and a darkening purple toenail.... i wouldn't recommend walking on rocky muddy ground with a heavy backpack for approx 16 kms in flip flops, but i managed it and it was preferable to putting my feet back into boots.
so i am now a much more experienced tramper and hope to get in some more practice before i leave this country. for now its feet up resting back at mark & nikki's lovely place.

happy tramper

2006-10-30T21:44:00.000Z

well i am back from over 50km of 'tramping' (walking and staying overnight along the way as its known in NZ) on the queen charlotte track. it was amazing. the combination of solitude, natural beauty and exercise is just perfect for me. sadly my feet are now a little worse for wear as you can maybe see, two messy blisters, one toenail going black, some sort of rash around both heels... i have a tendancy to overestimate my physical strength and had, of course, assumed this would all be no problem for a fit girl like me. but oh no, i am knackered! its a bit wierd but walking 14km seems a heck of a lot harder than running it as i did on the city to surf in sydney. i am definitely worse off now than i was then!
so its a day of rest in nelson before pushing on through the pain barrier tomorrow for another couple of days of tramping on the abel tasman coastal track (yes helen, i have taken your top tip on board!).
the accommodation so far has been great. one hostel (the villa in picton - highly recommend it) even provided free apple crumble! can't say fairer than that. noeline's homestay was the best possible place to get rained in on the track, i can recommend it to anyone. she is a 73 year old inspiriation who sleeps on an inflatable mattress in her lounge in order to rent out 5 beds in her home every night to backpackers. the income from this then funds her trips around the world which she takes every year. she spent two months travelling in laos and cambodia, arriving with no plans, just a lonely planet! so i got some top tips from her for my future journey.
i just cannot believe this country, it is so beautiful and full of such friendly people. i love it here. this place is awe-inspiring, i can't believe the sheer beauty i see every day. i am so aware of what a lucky girl i am to be here.

view from my bed

2006-10-24T03:13:00.000+01:00

heres the view out of mark & nikki's lounge which i woke up to this morning. not bad i reckon. seems i've ended up in another mansion, a very beautiful home with a very beautiful family. what a result! first of many experiences of the joys of this country i hope.

moving on...

2006-10-22T10:16:00.000+01:00

i fly to christchurch in the morning, so thought i would just say bye to sydney for now by reflecting on what i've loved and what i've missed
loving it:
coral trees and bottlebrush trees
not having to look at my diary
cheap cds, in fact cheaper everything
getting to know Matt as husband and dad, no longer just my big brother
kite flying with abigail
trampolining with abigail
cooking with abigail
basically all of living life with abigail and isabella
going to the beach
views of the harbour
listening to the bible on cd in the car to and from work
swimming in the sea
watching Greys Anatomy with Cath on Monday evenings
food! especially pancakes at Taronga zoo, Max Brenners chocolate cafe and pumpkin, pepper and ricotta lasagne at Manly
fitness class in the park
living with Fi who is so different from me and yet made space for me to be me

missing it:
FIP radio
my bicycle
Luke - being with one brother seems to mean i miss the other more
Topshop and H&M
lie-ins
Ian - my hairdresser (2 bad haircuts later...)
at least 3 weddings, lots of birthdays and no doubt other fantastic social gatherings
evening chats with mates

working days are numbered (for 06 anyway)

2006-10-15T01:32:00.000+01:00

only 5 more days to go until March 07! that does feel pretty good. although the poverty that may result from this is not so great! i will leave work with around £1,500 - which considering i was meant to save enough to get me round 4 months of travelling, seems a little pathetic. but hey. dad has kindly offered to bail me out with a loan if need be...
but i am glad to say working has been more than just about saving cash. its been great to enjoy working with a diverse bunch of people in an office that has held my interest for various reasons. some of those would be the various eccentricities around me, the novelty of A0 plans, my constant drive to improve efficiency (no, i wasn't successful), the delight of morning tea breaks, the sunny lunchtimes, the insights into aussie life and into ways of managing people and work... i have made some good friends and will definitely miss the people, but not the work.
mostly i have been copying plans, folding plans, sorting plans, hanging plans, archiving plans, saving emails, putting file codes on emails, logging emails, printing emails, sorting emails and filing emails. enough to send me nearly mad on more than one occasion. but proof that for me work is much more about the people and the context than the tasks and more about what interests my mind as i work than what i actually have to think about to do the work. no, i don't think my future career should be as a filing clerk, but i think the people i work with will always be more important than my actual role.
so, i will be happy to leave the bewilderingly inefficient world of filing project work, but i will be sad to leave these people and sad to be one step closer to understanding myself but no steps closer to knowing what work i want to do next.
and i will miss folding large sheets of paper - it is very therapeutic.

ode to cyril

2006-10-08T00:19:00.000+01:00

thought it was about time i mentionned my friend cyril. he could well be described as my best friend here, an excellent companion full of wit, charm, generosity and honesty. i met cyril on my first trip to oz as luke and i stayed at his house when we came over for matt's wedding. then i had the pleasure of a visit from cyril to my place in brighton a few years later, which was great, and now i am back in his vicinity so we often take little trips out gallvanting around the city. he may not appreciate me telling you, but he's 86 years old now. but its a good reminder that age can be irrelevant in a friendship - maybe it requires a little thought to avoid climbing lots of hills or generally wearing him out too much, and its a constant battle to stop him paying for everything, but other than that i just enjoy his company. its also a great reminder to me, when thinking about the possibilities for my future, that i really do love older people. maybe its something to do with the urgency it instills in me to make the most of the time you have with them as you know it is running out. sadly for cyril 'skin cancer will be on his death certificate' as his doctor has told him. realistically he is unlikely to make it over to the UK again and i may not make it back here again in time to enjoy his company like this again, so its a case of enjoy it while we can.
i am beginning to get moments of sadness thinking about saying goodbye to him, probably for the last time, and saying goodbye to the nieces. abigail is very sweetly telling me she is going to miss me. they have all become such a big part of my life that i will certainly notice their absence. its that thing with the old and the young that you know it will never be the same again, you only have this short window of opportunity to enjoy them like they are now before everything changes. so here's to making the most of it.

more birthday fun

2006-09-27T11:56:00.000+01:00

well it seems i love birthdays whether they're mine or not, either way its just great to celebrate! we had a top night out for matt's birthday last sat with pre-drinks, dinner and late bar. i just loved getting out for some city nightlife. first up was minus5 - a bar made of ice who only let you stay in for half an hour and give you a coat to wear... now don't laugh, but i was that concerned about the environmental impact of running such a place that i sent a polite e-mail beforehand asking them about their energy consumption and whether or not they had any good environmental policies to try and counteract the negative effects... well, i heard absolutely nothing so went along anyway, realising that it may not have been the time for principles. then it was pizza and beer galore, although when i say pizza, take that with a pinch of salt as they were mostly covered in kangaroo, emu or crocodile meat which is not my idea of pizza. but my lovely brother let me order rocket and prosciutto pizza which sorted me out. then the bar was good too.. i even sacrificed my principles for the sake of birthday fun to the extent of going to McDonalds for the first time in years. in all fairness McFlurrys are pretty good, and when you're celebrating your brother's birthday for probably the only time in at least 10 years, you have to make the most of it.
this morning was also a right laugh with girls helping, or not helping as the case may be, with present opening. top quote from abigail "why does he need another one?" when matt opened a leather purse from me. nothing like a girl who speaks her mind.
other than all this excitement we've got a 3 day weekend coming up which should give me a chance to see lots of movies, read some books, get some exercise and generally chill. i don't reckon i've been my normal happy self since moving to st ives, which i put down to the long days and lack of exercise. matt + i generally set off at 7.30am and don't get back till 7 pretty often in the eve, which to a girl who has always been a part-timer, is a shock to the system. and gone are all those walks and runs, its a circuit class once a week in the park if i'm lucky and maybe a sat morning run/swim at the beach. i am definitely ready to quit the working life, just a shame that i have such small funds to show for all my efforts - financial panic is beginning to set in.
trying to pack in all my last plans for getting the most out of this beautiful city. will report back on my success over the next few weeks before i head to new zealand on the 23rd october. any last tips for that beautiful country very welcome.

sunday mornings

2006-09-10T01:35:00.000+01:00

thought i would tell you about my sunday morning routine as a few of you have been asking about what i'm doing church wise. i am going along to a church some sunday evenings, the place where matt + fi got married but they no longer got to church there. its ok, just nice to get out and see some faces and i do like to get in a bit of singing. but considering that until a year or so ago i had been at church most sunday mornings for my whole life, it surprisingly doesn't seem so strange to be doing something different.
so what i am now up to on sunday mornings is i drive with matt + fi to where their church is and walk 10 minutes around the corner to sit on the beach. i can't today becuase its raining but when the sun is shining i take a book, my journal, my sunglasses and sit. with each week its getting busier as we're moving out of winter here, but its still easy to get a space on my own looking out onto beauty, hearing the soothing sound of waves and feeling soft sand between by toes. i do a bit of people-watching - surfers and other keen sporty types running and swimming.. but otherwise i take the time to rest, to pray, to scribble in my journal and to read whatever inspirational book i'm currently into. this spot in my week always proves to be a time of such refreshing, a chance to make space in my thoughts, to renew a sense of peace within me, to sit back and get some perspective.
i've been taking time to write a prayer that i am now trying to memorise that will be my daily prayer. it was a suggestion from the 'eternal echoes' book i have mentionned before. it won't interest all of you but i wanted to share it anyway because this is why i enjoy being on a beach praying alone:

Lord of my heart
my shelter, my refreshing, my hope
Come, shine your light and show your tender mercy
Open my eyes to newness and joy
Fill my gaze with the unseen
Be in my quiet centre.
Help me in my anxiety, impatience and citicisms.
Lead me in generosity, understanding and gentleness.
Reveal the secrets of my heart and my most precious gifts.
Take me beyond my imagination.
Awaken my beauty and my courage as i choose to trust and journey with you, excited by the unknown and the mystery, always sure of your goodness.
You are the way to freedom and you beckon me forward on it, calling me by name, holding me fast on it, watching over me.
You are my constant companion.
May i know your healing balm for my hurts, your warm comfort in my sorrow.
May i know the eternal embrace of your loving circle.
You are the truth i partly see
You bring the unexpected to my future
You are where i belong.
I wait for you, in you, with you.
True Giver of Life
I celebrate the wonders of being a pilgrim with you.

halfway point

2006-09-02T00:21:00.000+01:00

so yesterday was my halfway mark. 6 months in and 6 months to go. so for all of you who are asking me when i'll be back, its not for a while yet even though it does feel like i have been away ages.
thought i was due for a little review, and a look back over the blog so far to remind me:
i have lacked a bit of common sense from time to time (desert in namibia being a key example!)
i haven't missed brighton as a place but i do miss cycling everywhere, i do miss trapeze with mandi and i have noticed that its been far too long since i was last on a dancefloor. but the food in sydney pretty much beats brighton everytime so thats a result
i do miss my granny (she doesn't answer her phone and only gets mail that is read to her) but other worries about lack of home comforts, lack of money, getting ill.. just haven't been a worry really.
i couldn't say i have learnt a lot about forgiveness yet, but i think i have learnt about generosity - sadly more by example than practice. i like to think i have been a blessing to those i've visited but i guess thats not always been the case, and i have certainly received far more blessing than i have given. i definitely couldn't say i have got any clarity about my future but i do have moments where my thoughts open up to new possibilities quite gently. its not clarity really, more a letting in of light through new doors in my mind.
the journey of my faith so far has been the most exciting part. i have felt led along my way and i am discovering a lot about trust, simplicity and love. i really enjoy being a pilgrim for all its joys and sorrows. the greatest sorrow for me has been in the loneliness, so i am still trying to learn that i am not alone really - thanks to the one who journeys with me and thanks to the continued love and support from loads of you across a distance.
top highlight so far is definitely the nieces, closely followed by Hannah in Moz. Dunes are a close third place.. so predictions for those were pretty spot on. Isabella had just joined me at the computer playing around with whatever was to hand and then every 30 seconds or so leaning over to me for a kiss! we are definitely good friends these days and it is such a delight.
i guess the big surprise for me has been how much my parents mean to me. its been really hard saying goodbye this week and being around the same places without them here anymore. over the last few years i have often thought maybe its not quite right to still rely on my parents so much when i'm nearing 30. they are still my main support in life, my greatest source of love and encouragement, my backing in whatever way i need, and probably the people that understand me best. i hope they will always be a huge part of my life, but i can't help noting that it would probably be different if i wasn't single. still, as i am, i am so grateful to have their love and to have someone who knows how i am really doing throughout this year. but it is a shock to see how difficult it is being so far from them.
i always knew missing people would be the worst part but i didn't realise what a huge difference it makes being away from everyone. this year is certainly turning out to be like no other year of my life. at times it has been the best ever and at times one of the more difficult. but i have absolutely no regrets, i am so glad to have this time and am so excited to see whats next.

city 2 surf

2006-08-28T00:01:00.004+01:00

forgot to brag about my great achievement... 14km run to Bondi done in 87:12 according to official time record. that puts me in the top 25% of over 60,000 runners. was an amazing day and i am very pleased with myself!
you can see photos of me (in a blue t-shirt) at
www.marathon-photos.com/marathon.html?job=Sports%2F2006%20Sports%2FCity2Surf; and typing in bib no 19870

family holiday fun

2006-08-26T23:52:00.000+01:00

the presence of my parents here with me is so lovely, their constant encouragement, love, hugs, support.. it is very soothing. we have a few more days to enjoy their company before i go back to work on thursday and they fly home. we've just had a fantastic beach holiday in north queensland - a great reminder of the fun of playing with sand and splashing in waves, even more fun with small people around.
life in the sydney mansion is pretty mad, boxes everywhere and a search whenever you need to find something. how matt + fi have kept it all together i'm not sure, but we are all still smiling most of the time and dad in particular has spent his whole holiday beaming so far so thats got to be good. it is sometimes a bit concerning to realise i've made the decision to leave the joys of cath's place to enter fully into family life once more with its early starts and constant demands but i think its the right decision to make the most of this one-off opportunity for sharing our lives.
its been great to get out and see some of the beauty of this amazing country which holds species i've never heard of. i didn't see a dugong, but it was fun enough just to disover such a thing exists. no crocodile sightings sadly, but we did get attacked by a couple of over-protective sea eagles and we did see a couple of (small) snakes, some (very small) bats, beautiful butterflies, a cassowary or two (big bird) and many many amazingly colourful fish thanks to a daytrip snorkelling on the reef. i am converted to seeing the joys of underwater exploring and now reckon i will do my best to see a bit more of it as i travel this amazing earth.
more pictures are now on flickr link - click MY PHOTOS!! hopefully then you can see some of the beauty i'm talking about. i have a camera now so any photography tips welcome

latest quote

2006-08-12T02:59:00.000+01:00

"what else should our lives be but a continuous series of beginnings, of painful settings out into the unknown, pushing off from the edges of consciousness into the mystery of what we have not yet become, except in dreams that blow in from out there bearing the fragrance of islands we have not yet sighted in our waking hours.."
David Malouf 'an imaginary life'

discovering beauty everywhere

2006-07-27T11:23:00.000+01:00

some of the things i love about life in sydney..

fresh flowers all the time at cath's place - these poppies are my favourite so far

coral trees - the orange-red is just the most gorgeous colour ever. lucky for me i pass a few on my way to work every day.

morning tea - it seems to be a proper institution here, everyone stops around 11 for tea and cake, or at least most days someone seems to bring in a delicious treat. what a result. my current colleagues have taken longer than any previous colleagues to comment on the quantity of food i consume, sadly after two months a couple of people have noticed me diving in for more cake than anyone else!

getting to hear conversation about people being 'crook' or being greeted with g'day in real life, not just off the tele!

the beach - quite a few sundays i have wandered off to sit and read on the beach and gaze out at the beauty while matt + family go to church. i just love it. the sand certainly beats the pebbles at brighton and the winter sun is glorious. there are always people out surfing, running, walking.. its a pretty active bunch over here i am glad to say. i'm trying to be one of them - i've signed up for the 14km city-to-surf run from the city to bondi in less than 3 weeks!!! nightmare. have never run that far before, but figure i will give it my best shot.

recipe books - its a new discovery for me to use recipes. cath has a whole collection by donna hay, some australian woman who publishes cookery books like theres no tomorrow.. and now i have time to enjoy cooking i have started to take a look. this week has seen my first chocolate cake and first meringue, as well as loads of savoury treats. all going pretty well so far.

there are things i'm not so impressed by, of course, but i'm going to keep this one cheerful today. the big move is this weekend which i'll help with but will actually save my move for a bit later once mum and dad arrive. so its all happening.
new address from friday will be 23 Windsor Place, St Ives Chase, NSW 2075. my mobile still working +61411602551, sorry don't get round to checking uk no much so might be missing some of your texts if you don't use this no... cheers!

the mansion soon to be..

2006-07-10T11:17:00.000+01:00

well heres a couple of shots of the home the family move into on the 28th of this month if all goes to plan. i honestly can't believe the luxury home coming up here, but i keep getting told its pretty normal over here, as they have so much more space than us etc... yeah right! still a mansion if you ask me. i just can't believe my nieces are going to grow up with a pool and sauna to hand!! its a joke. but i intend to make the most of it! currently thinking i'll move in myself just before we all go on holiday with mum and dad in mid august.
in the meantime life continues to be a little lonely and a little lacking in something. i still love time with the nieces, i'm happy enough at work who have asked me to stay on as long as i can, i love my temporary home with the 'best landlady in the whole world' cath and all her inspiring beauty around.. and i'm getting some more exercise in with plenty of walks to and runs back from work.. so its not all bad.
but bottom line is that i'm living a life pretty much completely the opposite of what i'm used to in brighton where my priority is normally all the lovely people i try and get time with, compared to here where the number of people i'm trying to spend time with is very small. its definitely a different life, and one that i wouldn't normally choose, but i'm sure its the right life for me at the moment. people do keep advising me to get out and about and get to know more people, do more stuff in my spare time etc.. but at the end of the day its pretty tricky to get about without a car, and my weekends are now the only time to see the family, and i only have a couple of months left here in total, so i don't think it will change much.
i feel bad for not loving this more, as i know it is such an opportunity, and if i compare my life here to the troubles of say, innocence, who i caught up with on the phone last week.. well i clearly should be loving all the good things in my life. i guess i'm just going to try and keep my eyes open to the beauty around and keep learning from all these different experiences and hope that i come out the other side full of amazement and gratitude for this stage in my life.

birthday joys - thank you!!

2006-06-27T12:47:00.000+01:00

i guess the birthday treats are finally over now but it has been a very lovely week or so. thanks so much to all you who called or sent cards, pressies, texts and e-mails. it made a huge difference and meant i didn't find it traumatic being away from you all, which is what i had expected. picture is to show you my birthday cake which i ordered after eating it in a cafe a few weeks ago. it is the best cake ever but sadly is all gone now (yes i am beginning to put back some weight on!). and the orchids were the most beautiful part of a series of lovely pressies from matt + fi who went out of their way to help me enjoy an aussie birthday. they were very successful.
i am rude enough to rate all my cards each year so may i announce the winner this year is becs who gets extra brownie points for trespassing in order to make me an amazing collage of graffiti photos from across the road of our house. perfect. top pressie would be more tricky but i'm certainly looking forward to wearing new orange leather flip-flops courtesy of mum. sadly its far too cold at the moment, but a family holiday up to cairns is only about 7 weeks away!!!
other news is i have moved around the corner to cath's which is the most lovely home ever. cath is an art teacher and you can see the influence of her artistic ability everywhere, i am inspired. she could not have made me feel more welcome, has made me dinner already and is giving me free rein to enjoy all her beautiful things. of course i was missing the nieces on day 1 so have in fact popped back to matt's everyday since moving! i've kept a key and will no doubt continue using it plenty.
i also have a mobile no sorted out for here at last, which is +61411602551 so if you ever fancy a chat, are near a landline and have done the maths to see that 9 hours ahead is a sensible time for me to be chatting, then feel free to text me and i can call you back very cheaply. big snag here is the limited times when we'll both be awake and not at work, but hey, worth trying.
last news has to be a mention of the football. getting up on the birthday to watch the match we had recorded was fine, but getting up at 1am to go and watch the last match live left me feeling ill all the following day. i just need more sleep that that. fortunately portugal match is at the weekend so i can at least recuperate in peace the next day. but seriously, you have to give these australians credit, not only for the 'socceroos' surprisingly good effort getting to last 16, but for all the fans who happily lose out on sleep for the sake of football. i'm not quite as dedicated as most people around me yet, but then someone pointed out to me, aussies always have to put up with these nightmare time differences to watch international sport. so if you're watching the portugal game you'll know that i'll be doing exactly the same thing on the other side of the world.

blossoming moments

2006-06-20T13:58:00.000+01:00

its the pre-birthday eve so not sure what i'm doing typing away at 11.20pm when i have to get up soon after 6 to fit in watching the england game before work, but hey. as many of you will know only too well, i'm not too good with sleep deprivation, but what can a girl do when the world cup is on in a different time zone?! i have to admit its not quite the same sitting with matt on the sofa half-asleep in the early dawn hours. still, i figure it should be a good start to my special day.
i am a bit traumatised by the thought of a birthday without my usual week-long over-the-top celebrations with as many of you as i can muster. this is just one more reminder of how much i do miss people. big city life is leaving me lonely at times, i'm getting that strange thing where you can be lonelier amongst a load of people than if you're on your own. but rest assured i am never lonely when around the nieces who continue to be the light of my life these days. and i continue to be amazed by the ease with which i have been welcomed into this family, it is an amazing privilege. its just that one family doesn't seem enough in a place this big. so we'll see. i move to cath's at the weekend, either until i go to new zealand, or until she kicks me out, or until matt + fi buy a house and move away (in which case i may try and move with them). an offer they put in has been accepted but contracts not signed yet so we're still waiting to see if this mansion can become theirs.. will tell more if they pull it off!
i am still struggling a bit, but am able to laugh at myself a bit quicker and am enjoying the process of learning what i struggle with and what i'm not good at being flexible about. it seems so far that i consider colour, exercise, food i like, conversation that delves well below the surface, outdoors beauty, time and space alone to mull, top tunes, inspiring reading and sleep all essential to my life. try and get me to share food in a restaurant that i haven't ordered myself and you may see me panic! but i'm learning. and i'm walking to and running back from work quite often which is a fantastic result as i get my much-needed exercise and some space/time to myself. little tricks like this may well see me through i reckon.
so the plan for tomorrow is to try and fit in some calls back home to reassure myself that i am not quite so far away from all those i love, and then to enjoy the honour of celebrating with this lovely family.
my inspiring reading at the weekend came courtesy of john o'donohue in 'eternal echoes': "there are always new thoughts and experiences emerging in your life; some moments delight and surprise you, others bring you onto shaky ground... Longing awakens when there is a feeling that someone or something is away from you. When we celebrate we joyfully acknowledge and recognise the presence of some person, thing or achievement that delights us. Longing is no longer directed away towards an anticipated future. Now the present moment has blossomed. When you celebrate you are taking time to recognize, to open your eyes and behold in your life the quiet miracles and gifts.."
so despite my sometimes shaky ground and the longing for those i love not with me, i intend to celebrate, which in the presence of this family is what i do every day. it is impossible not to see before me the miracle of such beauty in a smile, a giggle, an amusing comment... my present moment is blossoming.
i hope i will keep finding times, like i had sitting on a beach in the winter sun last sunday, to remember my eternal companion who provides my sure foundation in this nomadic life.

life isn't all sunny smiles

2006-06-09T08:38:00.000+01:00

so i've returned to the world of work, been in a hospital admin office for the last 4 days. the shock to my system is pretty bad. it just seems such a shame to be here in the right country but missing out on so many fun opportunities with the girls. still needs must, i will be needing the cash for rent, food, other essentials and i have to save for the next step of my travels from here. so i guess i am glad to be working, they're nice people i'm with - its a project office for hospital refurbishments and building projects in the area so its kind of interesting, although my tasks are so far limited to the not-so-interesting ones of folding A1 plans to archive and other filing... the end result of all this is that i'm pretty exhausted and feel i haven't enjoyed any nice times with the family since starting work. but its a 3 day weekend now thanks to the queen's birthday (i so didn't realise the queen was queen here aswell - how bizarre?!) so i hope to recover and have some more fun.
with being tired, getting into a routine i don't particularly want to be in and realising the difference between this and regular life back home, i have been a bit low the last few days, just missing people more; having my mind/heart here, in mozambique, the desert and back home; not sleeping well; feeling short of people around here to share life with; not feeling able to keep up with the frantic family life around me; not having much time/space to myself to keep up with all the changes... i don't know, just a funny time of adjustment i guess. although please bear in mind i am only talking about the last few days, so tomorrow may well be a very different story. it is always more tricky when i hear exciting news from back home though, which i can't really be a part of. don't stop sending me the news, i just long to be as much a part of your lives as always and obviously thats not possible from here. i'm aware i am missing out, all for a good cause though.
so i guess the next couple of weeks could be pretty key in getting into a better pattern where i can stick with the routine of much-needed income-generating work but still continue to get to know this beautiful family i am temporarily part of and enjoy this chance while i have it. the sydney film festival starting tonight should help! i'm off to 5 films over the next 10 days, should be good!
sadly still haven't been able to sort out my mobile thanks to the disgraceful efforts of orange back home, so will let you know a new no in time, but for now uk no still works - all reassuring texts welcome! even picture messages work - thanks SO much to the twins for sending their beautiful faces across the globe.
much much love to all you star readers, the chances are very high that you are often in my thoughts.

life lessons of love and patience...

2006-05-29T07:28:00.000+01:00

.. as taught by the nieces. i am happy to be taught by experts in how to love freely with abandon and how to live with patience. seems to me if i can learn in this easy context of being an auntie maybe i can then try transferring my new skills into the more difficult wider world. lets face it, its pretty easy to love such adorable girls, especially when they offer a hand for you to take or walk towards you and give you a cuddle, or even when abigail wakes me up so well in the mornings by pulling the duvet off. even then you can't help but love the cheeky smile and excited voice. and as for patience, well time has little meaning for these girls, its a case of getting on with whatever you fancy for however long you fancy. so that may mean pushing a swing for an hour (bit worried i'll develop repetitive strain injury soon, but hey) or helping with the same puzzle 3 times in a row. but if you allow yourself the luxury of not worrying about time either, its surprisingly easy. bit tricky when there are things to be done, but what could be more important than journeying through life with such special people? so i am hoping a new freedom in loving others and an as-before-unheard-of patience may grow in my life.
other news is i have a room i can move into as soon as i have a job to pay for it. cath is the owner of a place matt + fi used to rent while she was away travelling the world, and is happy to take me on as a lodger for a bit. perfect as its only a 5 min walk away from where the family are now.
also had a lush weekend at the beach with the family. sat was accompanying matt on his sat morning surf trip. i declined the option of surfing (sorry bex and viv but i still see it is a waste of time waiting for waves you never catch) and went for a run instead, then had a fantastic cafe breakfast and some play in the park. major cultural shock followed as we went to a property viewing (matt + fi have been looking to buy for ages) which seemed like a perfect luxury mansion to me but apparently was no good at all. standards are pretty high around here! sun was church near a beach (lots of old ladies there so i was happy) and then lunch in an amazing restaurant at palm beach with live jazz playing and gorgeous food, followed by walking and playing along the sand. can't see my weekends getting much better but we'll see.

auntie hannah at last

2006-05-24T11:20:00.000+01:00

well thought i better at least let you all know i have arrived in oz! am very happily installed at matt & fi's, already loving the life of being auntie hannah. i was fortunate enough to join in with abigail's 3rd birthday party on day 2 here. its amazing how much joy can be found in a day full of nothing but accompanying a beautiful little girl through her day. isabella is clearly amazing - very beautiful and with an excellent cheeky laugh, but she has been ill all the time so far and we haven't really made friends yet. so its been down to abigail to welcome me into sydney life which she has done brilliantly. i've been to playgroup with her where i did a bad job of helping her make a butterfly out of handprints, i've been to library story and craft time with her where i did a bad job of making a paper-plate owl with her and we've spent a very long time on the swings at the park... just simple pleasures, but i am loving it. i feel i have missed out on the mum's craft lessons to be able to fulfil my new role properly but i'm hoping i can catch up quickly. it is all a completely new world for me. abigail and forrest were my first introduction into the world of babies which i now feel pretty familiar with, but the world of very chatty, very pretty, very clever 3 year old girls is definitely a new one. i just can't stop smiling at her and all she is and does.
i have nothing to say about sydney or this new continent i find myself in as my world is abigail's world at the moment.. but soon enough this joy must end as i need to find a job which will sadly take me away from playgroup and parks.
i've had no jetlag whatsoever, just a 15 hour sleep the first night and some late mornings since. so things really couldn't be much better at this point. i'll post my new mobile no here very soon, but in the meantime my postal address for the next few months in case anyone fancies returning to traditional forms of communication (especially, dare i be so cheeky, maybe for my birthday coming up in june?!) is:
Unit 6/19 Fontenoy Road
North Ryde
NSW 2113
cheers!

new friends

2006-05-17T12:07:00.000+01:00

ok i couldn't resist one more entry in the amazing land of the Namib desert.. i just had to mention my new friend Stephanie. We have been staying at Dunes backpackers in Swakopmund for two weeks now (minus my weekend in the desert), Stephanie arrived the day after me, and we have been getting on so well. its unusual for someone to stick around as long as this, so i'm feeling very lucky to have met her. she is a very wonderful and unique woman, just spent three months working on a camel farm in the desert (got to be a good sign i figure) and is flying back to germany on friday an hour after i set off for oz. so we have been keeping each other company at the backpackers, at cafes, on walks in town etc. Stephanie is only 25 and has already packed in a huge amount to her life, she is an inspiration. even better she is excellent at making friends, just a really open, warm woman, and has made a few friends here in Namibia over the past few months. well one of her new friends saw us sitting in a cafe this morning and stopped to chat, found out we are heading back to Windhoek tomorrow and very kindly offered us a lift. they were chatting about all this in german, so Stephanie turned to check if thats ok with me, and i'm like of course it would be lovely, and then she explains that the lift is in an aeroplane!!! so of all crazy endings, it looks like we are getting a flight instead of the 4 hour minibus journey tomorrow morning. result! i cannot believe how kind, generous and friendly the people are here. its not everyday you get offered a free flight by a complete stranger. so a luxury end to a fantastically relaxing stay in the lovely town of swakopmund. i would recommend this place to anyone.

desert life

2006-05-16T10:38:00.000+01:00

well thats me sandboarding! i went twice here as i loved it so much. they have a speedgun to record your speed and i got up to 75km/hour on one run.. how cool is that?! its great fun, just completely knackering walking back up the dune each time. so thats the desert just here on the coast (i'm still staying in swakopmund), a lot lighter colour sand but still beautiful. kayaking a week or so ago was also amazing, past a few seal colonies who come so close and try and play with you as you kayak past. amazing - hopefully pictures to follow.
the good news is that i've also popped back inland to the orange dunes again. it was a bit of a risk as i hired a car to drive 1500km altogether, 1250 of which was on gravel road, about 600km of that pretty bad gravel road... but i got back with the car intact and no damage to pay so i am so glad i took the risk. it meant i got to spend three nights 120km from the dunes and drove in two days running to wander by myself in such beauty again.
the bad news is that my camera broke from sand in it before i got a chance to take any more photos. so i was more than a little frustrated to be back in the most beautiful place i have ever seen but unable to record it anywhere other than in my memory (which is bad at the best of times!). on day two my common sense deserted me somewhat and i went off walking for the day in flipflops (to be fair i have worn them everywhere and the day before) but this time my feet were getting slightly burnt from the hot sand so i tried to keep my flipflops on whilst climbing dunes and next thing you know they broke from the weight of the sand.. so i had to spend the day barefoot trying to avoid getting more burnt, or pricked by thorny grass. that should have been ok as i planned to catch a 4wd shuttle back the 5km to the car park... but i had failed to bring anything with me that told me the time so i was estimating by the sun and guessed wrong, getting down from the dunes too late to catch the last shuttle that leaves at 4pm. so it was a fast walk/jog back to my car to try my best to drive like a maniac the 60km to the gate which shuts at 5.30pm. to be honest it was a nightmare and i got in a bit of a state as i started the walk to the car realising i had been stupid enough to end up on my own in the middle of an unforgiving place.
the desert brings out strange reactions in me. as i set off walking in the morning i could not have been happier to be alone, it was the perfect place to enjoy my solitude. as i walked/ran back in the evening i could not have hated being on my own more. but all is well and i pulled myself together driving too fast but making it to the gate only 5 minutes late and getting through fine.

without more pictures it is difficult to express how amazing this place is. but i wrote some thoughts whilst sitting on a dune under the shade of a tree:
walking on a layer of clay that crunches underfoot and cracks to reveal deep orange sand below
hot sand that burns on one side and then once you cross the dune ridge to the shady side the sand cools and relieves
peaceful silence interrupted only by occasional birds, flies and sight-seeing aeroplanes
signs of life abounding with animal tracks everywhere
undulating dunes that curve and slope and smoothly turn
the loud fast beat of my heart when i pause halfway climbing a dune without anyone else's footprints to help me
walking on a sand mountain range that slides beneath you
the bright blue/lush green/rich orange colour combination that seems so perfect to me
literally gasping as i stop mid-climb to take in the view
disbelieving that it is possible to be wandering amongst such awe-inspiring beauty

i have to return here one day. although if i keep saying that everywhere i go, i'll be in trouble! its just two more nights at the coast, one more night back in the capital and then a flight to sydney on friday!! i will be so sorry to leave this amazing country but the excitement of meeting isabella and seeing abigail, matt and fi again is building up and up, i am SO looking forward to saturday. so this is probably it from me until oz...

hostel life

2006-05-05T15:45:00.000+01:00

well i'm sure loads of you reading this have done the whole hostelling thing a million times but for me it is still an eye-opener. i cannot believe the variety of people i meet and the variety of adventures they are having. top marks go to an israeli guy called tom (means innocence in hebrew, how cool is that?) who had left compulsory service in the army 17 days earlier and was travelling back to israel overland up east coast of africa; an old hungarian guy waiting for his wife to recover in hospital from a road accident, he also had injured his ribs and had been in the hostel 2 weeks already, was expecting to be there at least another week, i felt so sorry for him; a 75 year old austrian-australian who sounded german to me but in fact had lived in melbourne for 50 years, he had been everywhere and i met him on his last trip before he was planning to settle for a life in his backyard as he said he was getting too old, very sad; a 17 year old guy from the shetland isles (population 600 he said) who is studying equivalent of a levels for 2 years in a private college in swaziland which he got a full scholarship too, at 16 he had spent his summer working as a waiter in a cocktail bar in cape town... i don't know just a mad collection of people.
i think i'm pretty boring in comparison, beginning to think my plans are not nearly exciting enough! i am not settled in a lovely new hostel in swakopmund which is a german coastal resort where i am enjoying a lovely restful holiday. i mean i know i am on holiday all the time lately but this is more of a 'proper' holiday where i get to read books, walk along the coast, have nice cake in cafes and generally spoil myself a bit! i went sandboarding this morning which was amazing, knackering from constantly walking back up the dunes but hey, definitely worth it. tomorrow is 5 hours of sea-kayaking to get a view of some dolphins and seals hopefully, but clearly i will also be knackered after that. so after a day of rest on sunday i'm treating myself to a massage on monday - its a hard life! after that who knows i am constantly scheming to find more ways of getting time in the desert but its not as easy as you would think..
i am meeting lots of lovely people, a guy from Hove was sandboarding this morning which was bizarre, and there are always people around to chat to in hostels but they are normally only around for a day or two so they are always short friendships. most people seem to be in for a lot more drinking than me, a glass of wine is only 80p here but i just don't fancy it most of the time. and i wonder if most people are in for a lot more casual sex than i am as the reception area has a basket full of free condoms.. i do wonder how long i could live like this, always moving on, always interacting with people on a surface-level and never having people around who really know you. i think it can leave you a bit vulnerable. but i am loving it so far and feel very well rooted in with people who know me so well even though its from a distance with e-mail and letters. i only have 2 more weeks to go aswell, so i intend to make the most of it!
sorry if i worried a few of you there with stories of my throat. it is back to being perfect now and i can stop taking malaria drugs in a week so all is good. haven't taken any more pics yet, but will get back to that desert soon! thanks for reading

the most beautiful place i have ever seen

2006-04-30T13:03:00.000+01:00

the beauty of a desert playground, a giant sandpit for grown-ups.
the freedom to run down steep slopes, explore, climb, and stand in awe.
the richness of colours changing with the sun - bright blue sky and glittering deep orange sand.
the soft yet strong wind billowing around me, making sand dance in circles.
the pretty yellow flowers growing despite such heat.
the burning in my lungs as i struggle to climb up and up to gaze out at never-ending beauty.
the smooth curves and sharp ridges of gentle dunes.
the contrasting shadows highlighting such beautiful shapes.
the flow of soft warm sand between my toes and over my feet as i wander.
the evidence of my explorations disappearing as my footprints are covered by shifting sands.
the bubbling of joy in me as i cannot believe i am in such an amazing place.
the tracks of ostrich, oryx, geckos and beetles making patterns in the sand.
the lone trees against an orange backdrop.
the endless space containing so much.
and it all extends for miles and miles.

for a few pictures go to www.flickr.com/photos/journeybywaters or use link at side menu (aren't i clever?!)
i will keep trying to add more. throat is loads better thanks

animal spotting

2006-04-26T17:25:00.000+01:00

well i'm just back from a 3 day trip to etosha national park where i had the privilege of enjoying some camping for a couple of nights (i'd forgotten how much i love camping) and also of seeing 6 giraffes, 11 lions, hundreds of zebra and thousands of springbok/impala/oryx.. sadly zero elephants - is this really africa?! no it was lovely, beautiful drives at sunrise and sunset, just miles and miles of landscape that i love. there were only 7 of us on the tour which was nice, easy to get to know some very different people from places i'd never even heard of. photos may follow soon but you'll be lucky if you can see much in them, its pretty funny taking photo after photo and only being able to see a spot in the distance!
so i'm back in windhoek for one night to refresh myself before heading off to the desert tomorrow!! red sand dunes here we come! i am very excited and will tell all on my return.
theres just one thing holding me back a little and that overshadowed my etosha trip a little which is my disgusting mouth infection. sorry to bring it up again but i am a little concerned as this foreign body keeps growing at the back of my mouth, now covering half of my throat opening making it painful to swallow and generally uncomfortable and a bit worrying. i do tend to be a hypochondriac with unfamiliar things so its probably fine, but i could really do with it clearing up extra quickly so as not to ruin the desert for me. i'm on a few different drugs to stop the fungus growing (clearly not working) to ease the soreness (does help a little) and to add good bacteria back into my system. ok so please if you pray add me to the list!
thanks so much, love to you all

todays miracle

2006-04-22T17:24:00.000+01:00

so i am safely installed in a hostel in windhoek. very strange to have left all my stuff (minus some valuables in a locker) in the hands of strangers but there we are.. but i jump ahead of myself. let me tell you about my day. well i woke up with the same sore throat i've had for a few days but this time thought i would investigate in the mirror as to whats happening and discovered a hideous infected lump of something nasty at the back of my mouth. so being the sensible girl i am i gave it a good prod, made it bleed and then spend the next while swallowing blood and other grimness. so consequently i threw up this morning. i mean i really don't like being sick, this was not a good start to my day of travel.
so stopped at a pharmacy on the way to the airport and it would seem that there is more reason for hating my malaria medication dioxycycline. apart from adding to my sunburn it also is an antibiotic which may sound like a good thing but if you take an antibiotic for long enough you kill off the good bacteria as well as the bad bacteria. so they reckon i have a fungal infection in my mouth and have prescribed a throat spray and some intestinal bacteria that come in a pill so i can start re-stocking my supply of bacteria thats been killed off! how funny is that. so i guess at least i know i will be ok but it meant i spent the flight trying not to be sick and was generally less than happy.
well then at windhoek airport i was asking about buses at the information desk and some nice guy comes up to offer me a lift. he seemed nice enough so i thought it sounded. well we're waiting for the guy he has come to pick up and chatting and it turns out i've heard all about him as he works for OM the same organisation that thelma works for who i've just been staying with?! i could not believe it. how ridiculously good is my life?! so i got a lift into town, got a lift to the other woman he works with who has taken in a bag of spare stuff i don't need that i can collect on my way out, then taken to my hostel. i have phone nos galore and the offer of a place to stay a bit north of town if i fancy it... its just too much, this is too easy! i am chuffed to bits, its been a fantastic finish to what had seemed like a bad day.
so i'm in windhoek for at least a couple of days until i can organise myself some tours when the office opens monday. a guy just arrived into my dorm 5 minutes after me fresh from the desert dunes.. i am pretty excited!!

perseverance pays

2006-04-21T13:24:00.000+01:00

me at the beach loving it!

travels in africa

2006-04-20T06:23:00.000+01:00

so i'm happily back in the land of broadband staying with thelma in pretoria. very sorry as despite the broadband i still can't get you more pictures?! in two days i head off again on my own into the beautiful land of namibia, but for now i will just tell you about my time since mozambique.
blantyre was so lovely. definitely a lot of reverse culture-shock getting used to the waste of water with every flush of the loo and not believing the difference in worlds considering we were only half a days journey away from something so different. i'm sad to say the shock is quickly wearing off and the strength of my memories is gently fading but the strength of my determination to return to mozambique when i can is not.
highlight of blantyre was palm sunday. we went to a disappointing service in the morning - too many expats for me and the sermon was about pentecost (?!) not palm sunday at all so i was not happy. then walking home in the afternoon we heard some amazing singing coming from a church so went in and enjoyed over an hour of choir after choir singing amazingly. it was heaven to me. i mean seriously i am sure that will be how praises in heaven sound to me. i was in need of some refreshing that day and i definitely got it - the voices were pure, rich, beautiful and so joyful. it was true worship as if they just couldn't resist.
other than that it was just a time for enjoying the company of bernadette and her lovely friends arrived from holland, and allowing my mind and heart to settle down. pretty much all they heard out of me the first couple of days was innocence this, alexandra that.. but by the end of think i had talked about other things!
then they went back to mocuba one day before i left for pretoria, so i had very little time on my own but as with travelling to mozambique i did feel a bit unsettled and anxious. i guess every time i move on is a bit difficult as i leave what i know and love and step out into the unknown alone. but the journey was fine really, i mean probably the most uncomfortable journey i've ever had but i arrived safely even if it was 5 hours late, meaning a total 29 hour journey. it was a coach that seemed fine from the outside but it had 5 seats in each row instead of 4 which meant there wasn't enough room to sit back if your neighbour was also sitting back. my neighbour was a nice man called john but he wasn't small and in future i will remember to choose my seat according to my neighbour's size! our stop in harare was a mad moment as i got out to eat my sandwiches thinking i'd avoid making a mess inside and a group of kids just immediately gathered round me assuming i was giving them the food. i chatted with them for a few minutes trying to work out what was going on as it was a shock to me and in the end gave them my food as they seemed to really need it. i had got used to people asking for money but seeing people that desperate just for food was pretty haunting. zimbabwe is clearly in a bad way.
then pretoria has been lovely. you'll know i've felt very at home when you hear we rented 7 videos on my first day - result! its just been a lovely time for resting and catching up with friends. highlight was easter sunday. again i wasn't impressed with the sermon as it was on the transfiguration (i mean whats wrong with sticking with the season?!) so i read my bible instead of listening and rediscovered the joy of the story in john when mary meets jesus outside the tomb. it was a realisation that this journey and my life are taking me nearer and nearer to that place where i might be a bit lost and confused but then i hear my name called "Hannah" and i recognise my Lord.

memories of mocuba

2006-04-10T14:34:00.000+01:00

ok well this is a self-indulgent opportunity to write down my memories from mozambique... bear with me!

i loved
walking everywhere, colourful geckos scampering across walls, beautiful harmonies sung with such joy, the beating rhythm as women crush maize, coconut palms against blue sky, lightning flashing like i'd never seen before, the reply of 'Gracas a Deus' - 'by the grace of God' if asked how they are as health is not taken for granted, being in the congregation not a white preacher at the front, always meeting a friend when in town despite only having about 10 friends, deafening rain on corrugated roof, running on the beach, raosted peanuts in sugar, pumpkin leaves, hearing mozambiquan laughter, walking with Hannah on my back - especially when people thought she was my child?!

i didn't love
awkward conversations about money, not understanding portuguese, constant attempts to rip me off, visiting sick people closer to death than i had seen before, horrific statistics about AIDS, ants in condensed milk, mosquitos, white bread, itching, lack of vegetables, sore inner thighs from sweaty skin rubbing together as i walked, the lack of good jobs for such talented people, ill-treated dogs with bones showing and ticks everywhere, long sermons i didn't understand whilst sitting in a very small very hot very unconfortable church, leaving.

becky very kindly sent me off with a card with some of psalm 121 written on it. one line says 'the sun will not harm you by day' and i had to laugh as sadly my skin has suffered a bit under the sun. but another line says ' the Lord will watch over your life' and i am so grateful that i have felt so safe and looked after. the best example of this is my first and my last night, both times just after the sun had set so it had just got dark. both times walking on my own not sure where i was going, in fact on my last night definitely lost. both times being met in the middle of nowhere by a friend who shouldn't even have really been in the same place at that time. both times just knowing such relief and amazement and gratitude that i had been found.

mozambique has definitely brought out the best in me, i have seen a new side to me - a woman of gentleness, joy, compassion and love. i hope this side of me remains out in the open for a very long time.

2006-04-08T11:58:00.000+01:00

hannahs off to town

sorrow and joy

2006-04-08T10:15:00.000+01:00

well at last you can see my smiling face and the beautiful hannah. we are just a couple of metres outside innocence and alexandra's house about to walk off for an afternoon together. i have been in an internet cafe for over 2 hours trying to work out how to get more pictures to you but sorry i give up. i think the connection is just too slow for uploading pictures - i will try again in south africa.
i am now happily settled in a beautiful guesthouse in blantyre, where i will spend up to a week taking time to mull over my memories and thoughts of mozambique, and enjoying the sights and sounds of another african country. i have travelled here with bernadette who will leave a bit before me, but it is so lovely to have this extra time with her. she really does a fantastic work in mocuba with a pre-school for 75 children aged 3-6 years, mostly orphans. see her website for more info http://www.wijnands-bcs.nl/africa/engels/bernadette-engels.htm
i have received an e-mail from innocence since leaving letting me know that his nephew also died later the same day as his sister's funeral. i never met the child, but he had been in hospital for at least a couple of weeks and he had been getting worse and worse instead of better. i don't know what he died of but when a large town only has one doctor and the nurses require extra payment in order to do their job properly, what can you expect.
so i am still so full of sadness for innocence and his family, and already trying to figure out how i can get back to mozambique sooner than the 6 year gap it had been before this visit.
just so you know - my mosquito bites are not bothering me so much now, i am tired but fine about that, i am not so hot in malawi and very thankful for that, i feel so healthy it is lovely, brown and a bit slimmer. my nose is suffering though, peeling everyday from sunburn despite using suncream. i still dream about people from home - early this morning i woke from a particularly stressful dream about my old job at citygate.. jan was ill, kirsty was too busy.. it was funny to wake up and realise my brain is still processing things from home even here. but i find it so much easier to remember home now and just enjoy thinking of so many lovely people, taking the time to pray for lots of you and enjoying the knowledge of your love and care even from a distance. thank you so much for the many comments here and e-mails, i can't reply to enough of them but i am reading them all and it is so lovely to hear news and know i am not forgotten. despite the sadness i am still very happy - its funny but i think it is possible to know joy and sorrow at the same time, that is my experience today.

such a sad day

2006-04-06T10:52:00.000+01:00

i am so sorry to say that today i attended my first mozambiquan funeral. virginia, innocence's sister, died early yesterday morning from aids. innocence lived with her from the age of 15 until he got married, so she was his closest sibling, and it has been so sad to stand with him in his grief. i have never seen so many people at a funeral, everyone walks along the street following a truck or two carrying the coffin. i was coping ok until i saw two brothers who i have come to love dearly over this past month, bury their sister. i cannot imagine the pain for my family if my brothers are young enough to be the strong men putting my coffin into the ground.
so it has been a mad end to my time here, i've just tried to be helpful and supportive but i am sure this is not the best time to have a visitor from england around. it did mean i got to spend a whole last day with hannah yesterday as i took her off for the morning and the afternoon to keep us out of the way whilst everything was organised. she is a complete treasure, the sadness i now feel at leaving is huge. so not only do i join with the grief of the family but i have also spent the time saying my goodbyes as i leave in less than 2 hours for malawi. the pain i feel at leaving is great, but at least this time, unlike my previous visits, i feel so much more sure i will be coming back one day for another visit. it is a place that i love too much not to return, and i now feel i belong to a family here - auntie hannah or 'tia' as hannah calls me (portuguese for auntie).
i will write again when things look brighter. sorry for no photos yet as promised, it has just been too hectic but they do now exist on cd so i will post them here soon. if you pray please pray for innocence and his family in their sorrow and please pray that my heart mends quickly from the sorrow at leaving!

34 degrees and rising

2006-03-28T11:17:00.000+01:00

i don't normally know the temperature but the radio told us it was 34 degrees yesterday. well today is a lot hotter. it would be fair to say i am a bit hot, tired and irritable at times. just going to take the chance for a quick moan here! every night i wake up scratching mosquito bites, often then awake with the itching for some time.. bearing in mind that i am a bit short on sleep anyway going to bed around 9.30/10 and getting up anytime from 5, more likely around 6. those of you who know me with know i am not the best without my beauty sleep! but tea tree oil does help a lot (thanks mandi) and i think i'll start taking antihistamines today.. so maybe things will get better. i just have trouble expecting a good day when i wake up early after a bad night already sweating!
the heat also makes it difficult to exercise, which is normally a vital part of my life. i did manage a days cycle ride one day but just got ridiculously sunburnt, pretty dehydrated, probably suffered from heat exhaustion for the next day and also managed to entertain a crowd watching me take a break at the side of a dirt road. i probably won't repeat it. second attempt was an early morning run setting off before 6, but sadly thats not early enough here as everyone is already out on the roads ready to laugh at a stupid white woman wearing shorts! may try that again but i may have to resign myself to the heat and realise you just don't do cardiovascular activity in this sort of climate.
ok well thats the moan over. other than that i am still loving it. theres no doubt i will be sorry to leave, probably in just over a week. plan is still to travel through malawi (not swaziland as first planned) but costs are rising as i realise i have to get another mozambiquan visa to do that, plus a visa for zimbabwe, plus the bus ticket.. still, a holiday in blantyre for a few days can't be bad.
for a quiet life its surprising how busy i suddenly feel now i have to fit all i want to into 7 days. theres a lot of innocence's family still to visit, a pastor to visit at his home, decision about which (if any) church to preach at on sunday! and some clothes to get made out some beautiful fabric innocence bought me... and as many joyful moments with little Hannah to fit in as possible. I am really going to miss her (did i say that already?!)
it continues to shock me how difficult life is for people here. i continue to struggle with what to do with my money, who to help when everyone is so needy. i learn something everyday about the people and the place, and still love both so much, but there are some details i find hard to get used to. i am eating fish, as that is the cheapest form of protein so eaten a lot, but i think i'm going to struggle with the lunch of squid that i'm going back to shortly! i've got used to the early starts but receiving visitors, especially a local pastor, at 6.30am seems a bit much! i love the time for people and constant visiting of family and friends, but the lack of solitude or ability to rest at home uninterrupted would probably get to me in the longer term.
well thats a lot for one day, so goodbye for now. next entry may well be the last from this amazing country - watch this space for some photos, i've found a place that can put them onto a cd!!

my journey now and always

2006-03-22T14:11:00.000Z

the way i am walking
is the way of refreshing calm, constant wonder and much joy
its the way of ongoing thankfulness at the love shown to me and the love known by me
its the way of receiving so much, so many gifts, such generosity and care
its the way of giving - of sharing my life and who i am and what i have
its the way of light that shines on all, even the hidden places
its the way of new and precious delights

as i stumble along this way, sometimes hesitating
i am drawn on by the certain hope of something amazing ahead of which i have already glimpsed the first rays
i choose to put my feet forward along this way of love only because of the great love already shown to me that tenderly leads me on
i long to discover God's secret which I know to be within this world
so I go on in the hope of discovery

this is a way walked in quietness and solitude listening to the voice of love
realising more and more that i understand less and less
longing to know the truth that has not yet been made fully true
i am often lonely yet i am never alone

this way i choose is the way of life
there is always water to quench my thirst
as i walk i am revived and restored to my depths
a lot is asked of me on this way yet i receive so much more
on this journey i discover i am beautiful and it is a beauty to be shared

(inspired by and some phrases quoted from "Show me the Way" Lenten readings by Henri Nouwen)

happy Hannah

2006-03-18T08:27:00.001Z

my mozambiquan visit continues to be a delight. so much so that i'm not going to leave on monday as thought possible at one stage, it looks like i'll be leaving on the 4/5 april when the lovely bernadette can accompany me to blantyre in malawi where we can stay and have a nice break for a few days and then she can see me safely onto a bus from blantyre to pretoria through zimbabwe. so i get another couple of weeks here at least!
the pace of life here suits me fine, i'm really not doing all that much day to day just sleeping, cooking, eating, shopping, visiting, playing with Hannah, chatting with Alexandra, bit of reading.. the visiting is often funny. yesterday in particular i went to visit a pastor i know well and then another friend, both of them don't speak english and i barely speak any portuguese so it was a day of communicating with a dictionary and gestures! i guess it was also a day of being most out of my comfort zone but that resulted in one of the best times here, just such a privilege to be fed by those who have so little and to learn how to peel pumpkin leaves and crack peanuts to help prepare the meal, to entertain the children with my photos and just enjoy a day with friends despite the communication barrier.
innocence has been away most of the week sorting out his truck that is broken in nampula - an 11 hour bus journey away. so its been a week with the ladies at home, getting to know alexandra and hannah a lot better.
i am starting to smell more mozambiquan, which may not be such a good thing! i am changing shape a little, and my skin is getting more used to the sun, and otherwise my body is still loving it here. the food presents me with daily delights like coconut rice, butter beans, guava, we even made pancakes the other morning. i tasted cashew nut fruit on thursday which i didn't even know existed - a strange taste but pretty good. i really do like the diet here, although what i'm experiencing is no doubt the luxury end of it, but its so nice having a lot less sugar and fat.
i am still struck daily with the differences - washing under stars, rain or scorching sun; cooking that takes 3 hours for one meal; the many greetings in portuguese or amusing english wherever i go; the generosity of some bread or a fizzy drink whenever i enter someone's home; endless fly swatting; nightime noises of insects, dogs, radios, and laughter; the money that comes in nothing smaller than 500 so i'm always a millionaire; the rain that suddenly comes in torrents and disappears again in no time leaving slippery mud everywhere...
it would be fair to say that i am a very happy and content Hannah

mozambiquan miracles

2006-03-13T13:22:00.000Z

beautiful skies that change so fast
amusing bathroom adventures
impossible bicycle loads taken so far
smiling teeth in beautiful rich skin
luscious green and dusty brown scenery
shy kindness and cheeky greetings from strangers
hot itchy sweaty body from dawn to dusk
rags and rubbish treasured by the poor
very grateful for the occasional breeze
time lasting longer, no efficiency to be seen
people always busy but never hurried
inequalities stare at me every hour
no response seems adequate or appropriate
humility and generosity abound
along with death, hunger and the struggle to live
malaria and aids a regular feature
but still beauty everywhere
my heart is so full of love for the people and the place

sunburnt again

2006-03-08T08:27:00.000Z

so i am in mocuba, mozambique again! fourth visit and probably the best journey here that i've ever had. it was quite fun making my way here alone, coach overnight from pretoria then plane from maputo to quelimane then 'chapa' = very old, dangerous minibus crammed with as many people as possible to mocuba, then walk to the one friend i knew where she lived (bernadette - an english-speaking south african) for a fantastic welcome considering she had no idea i was coming and it was dark! i thought the taxi in maputo held together by brown tape was funny, but the chapa was definitely my favourite part of the journey just watching the land pass by all green and lush after the rainy season, and the dusty road and beautiful people. i had a helpful guy sitting next to me who spoke a fair bit of english so that was great. only slight snag was the windscreen that was cracked and fixed with superglue that then developed new cracks on our journey as we bumped over potholes! still i got here fine so that is a result.
my first night with bernadette seemed too easy as she has such a lovely setup and made me feel so welcome, it was just a complete joy to be back in mozambqiue again. then last night i finally managed to meet up with innocence who i've actually really come to visit and am now staying with him and his family. i guess it would be fair to say that is slightly more of a shock to my system, but i think i will be fine. they are certainly looking after me very well. i just mustn't think too much about where i was just one week ago as the differences between here and home are just too great for my mind and body to take in.
i am pretty exhausted from sleepless nights and the heat that has caught me by surprise. it will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me but i have managed to get ridiculous sunburn on my arms already - my hands look like they have some major skin disease! in fairness its not just my fault this time, i'm taking malaria tablets that reduce your skins ability to produce melanin so sunburn was always likely to be a problem. still apart from that i am fine, mostly really full of joy to see old friends and happy to be back in a country that has such a place in my heart.
i am not sure i will stay as long as i had first thought though as i have the offer of a life back to johannesburg on the 20th march so we'll see, but if i feel i have seen all the people i need to i may leave early and return to better comfort! its not just the lack of comfort that may encourage me out though, it just is so hard to respond to person after person who has such a sad story to tell of hunger because the last two years harvests have been so bad, of death from aids or malaria or countless other troubles. i have trouble reconciling the blessings in my life with the poverty of theirs.
sorry for the lack of pictures but i really don't think the technology here will stretch that far! missing you all a lot more than i expected. it is surprisingly difficult to be away from friends and family, when i think its only been a week. i dream about various people from my life back home every night which is a strange thing to wake up to. so every morning its an effort to put my head and heart back into mozambiquan gear and try and set aside the absence of loved ones.
well this is getting a bit too long and is a very mixed summary of where i'm at, but thanks for remembering me and i'll bring more news soon.

safe and sound

2006-03-04T09:30:00.000Z

just a quick one to say i have made it to destination 1 fine. am a bit more culture shocked than i'd expected considering i'm in a major city so not even roughing it yet! but south africa is a very different place in many ways. am still pretty tired from not sleeping well on the plane and then getting up at the crack of dawn today for a farmers market! but all is well, lizanne and jannie are the perfect hosts and her son ruan (16 months) is a delight.
not much internet connection possibilities though and so this is just a brief one before i set off on my sketchily arranged journey to quelimane in mozambique on monday.
am settling into this life but miss you all lots and feel a little anxious at times. mostly just sorry it isn't easier to stay in touch at the moment, but hey, i'm not supposed to spend my year constantly in touch with home. well thinking of lots of you and will keep updating here as often as i can.

bye for now

2006-03-01T15:20:00.000Z

well this is me off then, can barely pick up the rucksack, not a good sign not at all pleased with my packing abilities on this one! i blame it on the pressies i'm taking so hopefully once out of mozambique things should get a lot lighter. had a fairly calm day. just enjoyed a top curry at the Mumtaj in st albans with my lovely dad. after pancakes last night and the last 2 months of my mum's top cooking i am definitely going well-fed. in fact the only trousers i'm taking to africa are a bit tight right now! can't say i'm going to miss the chill factor wind going on here at the moment, looking forward to the sun and all that vitamin d.
i hope it goes without saying that it has been very hard saying goodbye to so many people that i love so much, but in fairness it has been a lot easier than i expected. i am overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness people have shown and the fun times i've had with so many over the last 2 or 3 months. i guess the excitement of what lies ahead is really keeping me going so i don't feel too nervous or overly upset, just hoping i've remembered all the essentials and hope i can cope when i start missing people loads. got a fair few photos in an album with me and plenty of writing paper so i should be fine! its amazing how a lot of love and kind messages can carry you through.
best of all its the first day of lent now so i get to start on my two lent study books whilst on the plane! what with that and the films i am so excited about seeing i doubt i'll get enough sleep, but hey. well got to get going to heathrow really, so it really is goodbye now. hope to be back here with some good news soon.
love to you all

the plan - as at todays date!

2006-02-22T10:24:00.000Z

Mar 1st – fly out from Heathrow to Johannesburg, met at airport and taken to Pretoria for a few days with friends
Mar 6/7th – bus to Maputo, plane to Quelimane in Mozambique for about a month there with friends
Around April 12th – head down through Mozambique for some chill out holiday in Swaziland on my own
Around April 18th – head back to Pretoria for more quality time with friends
April 22nd – fly to Windhoek, Namibia for some desert action! Plan to join in with up to 3 camping tours to take in Etosha national park in the north, the Namib Desert in the middle and Fish River Canyon in the south
Around May 13-20th – fly to Sydney hopefully in time to celebrate niece’s 3rd birthday
Spend a few months in Sydney working and maybe renting out somewhere or living with brother
August – my Mum and Dad come to visit and whole family goes up north to holiday in the sun!
September – probably carry on travelling from holiday to see a bit of Oz
October/November – New Zealand visiting friends in Christchurch, seeing the beauties and maybe also some volunteer organic farming action
Nov/Dec – back to Sydney for possibly more work or just family time enjoying Christmas
27th Dec – fly to Bangkok for a few weeks in Thailand hopefully meeting up with a friend in Chiang Mai, maybe fitting in a week’s massage course and maybe hitting the beach
around 20-25th Jan 07 make my way to Sri Lanka to enjoy a couple of weeks touring that beautiful country
February 07 – India to travel around a bit and meet up with lovely Becky
Fly home on February 28th

the progress of a pilgrim

2006-02-20T17:04:00.000Z

thought it was about time i said a bit about my spiritual journey and how my faith is such a big part of all my anticipation for the year ahead. its strange trying to describe what is so important to me when i know a lot of you reading this may not share this part of my life, but my faith in God is a key part of my life so i reckon you'll be hearing about it from time to time.
the picture is the front of my journal which i have already started writing bits in and hope to continue recording all my inspirations, sorrow, hopes and delights along the way. i've been reading the book pilgrims progress and wondering about the different people and circumstances that lie ahead for me this year. some inklings i have of what may be in store or what i hope will happen are:
that i will learn to forgive
that i will be led by God (a verse in Hosea keeps exciting me - "i am going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her")
that i will return with more clarity about what my life is going to be all about in the future
that i will learn how to be generous
that i will be a blessing to the people i visit

although i decided to go travelling and have made the plans for this year myself i also believe that a biblical proverb is true that "in his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps", so i will be trying to stay open to the possibilities of what God opens my eyes to, what he leads me into, and what he teaches me along the way. by the way, i didn't realise when i booked my flights but i leave on the first day of lent which i reckon is significant.

for me the christian faith is all about journey, about following a way, about adventure, discovery and pilgrimage. i looked up the word pilgrimage and my favourite definition is 'a journey to a place which is considered special' which is definitely what i hope to be doing this year but is also what my whole life is about.

well thanks for reading, if you pray i would welcome prayer that my journey this year does include the things i mention above.
not long now - i set off in just over a week!! still very excited, but also a little concerned about all the upsetting goodbyes that have been going on and will be going on this week. will post a better itinerary here before i go so you all know whats happening in theory!

hopefully highlights to come

2006-02-07T20:37:00.000Z

well i am just loving life at the moment - lots of lovely people seem to be making extra special efforts to be particularly nice to me so i've had a lot of great times. slight snag is thats making it harder and harder to leave! so i thought i would remind myself what i think my highlights are going to be this year.

1. top spot goes to the beautiful nieces. getting to be auntie hannah for a while has got to be good. isabella hasn't even met me yet and abigail is no doubt a changed girl since i saw her back in christmas 04. i hope to build up enough memories with them to last me a few years.
2. namib dunes - the desert. to wander in such beauty, hopefully alone at times, seems like such a treat. hopefully get some sandboarding in too.
3. meeting hannah - daughter of innocence and alessandra in mozambique. hannah was named after me and i have yet to meet her, so theres another treat in store!
4. india with becs - time with the special miss crow has to be good and in such a vibrant, colourful country that i'll be seeing for the first time, well it can't be bad can it?!
5. less distracted life - the chance to live for a year without a busy diary, without money to go shopping all the time, without a mirror everyday, without so many people to see.. its not all good news but it could be the simple life i have often yearned for, to leave me free to keep my eyes open to whats really important, and enjoy a new freedom with my time.

so thats all for now before i get carried away dreaming of all that is to come. but certainly i know there are some good times ahead. countdown has started - i leave in three weeks tomorrow!!

a whole lotta love

2006-01-23T20:21:00.000Z

well i just had to take the time to say thank you to all those who make me feel so loved. it has made a huge difference to my life over the past year especially. so thank you to all you who have shown me a special smile, given a thoughtful gift or some quality time, who have checked up on me so often.
special mention to andy for his big hugs, to steve for ideal present buying, to dad for the beaming smile he often gives in my direction, to rae for her poems, to mandi for all the cake, to mum for her worry over me and her amazingly good cooking, to becs for all the chats, to tim for sharing stories.

packing nightmares

2006-01-11T20:09:00.000Z

help!! why have i got so much stuff to take?! and the aboves probably not all of it either. any suggestions on what not to take and what are the necessary essentials most appreciated from all your seasoned travellers out there.
now happily settled in the lovely parents home in st albans, where it looks set to be a quiet life in the week, with mad weekends visiting people till i go.
sadly it hasn't all been idyllic, in fact i have been worrying about a lot for a while now - about missing people, about getting ill when no-one else is around and there are no home comforts, about leaving my 94 year old granny behind, about missing christmas with my wonderful mum, about not having enough money... clearly far too much time for thinking. so i'm hoping i start to sleep better and get lots more excited very soon. i am waiting for some calm before the real adventure starts.

life in brighton

2005-12-19T13:22:00.000Z

so only a few days to go before i leave town, only to return for a couple of weekends before i disappear out of the country. beginning to realise i will really miss life in brighton. obviously mostly because of the people rather than the place.. but also:
the good food - no more trips to terre a terre or la fourchette for a year, even worse no more meringues or welsh rarebit at the mock turtle as they are apparently closing?! nightmare
the fantastic trapeze classes that Mandi kindly got me into - see amusing picture of me trying to do the 'gazelle' move - whatever that is

the going out options - just last night saw an amazing show by dv8 dance company, really loved it
cycling - that pretty much anywhere is only a bicycle ride away
the scenery - walks a plenty by the sea or around the downs
the May festival - even more arty options for the diary than usual
clubbing - thank you Steve in particular for many a top night out

here's hoping i find lots of similar joys on my travels to help fill the gap

intro

2005-12-12T22:00:00.000Z

ok all you keenies who are already checking this out - you might have to wait a while for this to get interesting as i haven't left the country yet! but thanks for being on the ball. have booked my flights and leave on 1st march. so just need to save my pennies and buy a few essentials, get a few jabs, a couple of visas and pack.. could also do with finding some more common sense from somewhere, and gaining some additional practical skills but hey, can't be that hard to travel the world can it?!

so the plan - in case you didn't know - is roughly (no doubt subject to much change):
fly to johannesburg, spend up to 6 weeks in mozambique visiting friends
get back to pretoria, south africa to visit friends for a week
fly to windhoek, namibia for 4 week desert trek
fly to sydney (late May) to spend time with brother Matt and family for a few months, also earning money on working visa
fly to christchurch, new zealand for october visiting friends and seeing the beauties of NZ
fly back to sydney for nov/dec travelling around oz and enjoying family christmas
fly to bangkok for month in thailand or cambodia or laos or all 3!
fly to calcutta for month in india travelling with the lovely becky crow
come home by end feb 07

it would be lovely to catch up with you before 1st march if its possible so get in touch if you haven't already. for those of you who are wondering yes i am very excited but also fairly concerned that i could end up in big trouble at some point, that i will definitely end up lonely and missing all you lovely people at some point and that christmas on the beach in hot weather is just wrong!! but still seems like the best plan for my next steps in life. i'm looking forward to my journey.